How To Pray For Love
Has this happened to you?
You’re in a relationship with someone. You feel you really love this person. You have been through a lot making this relationship work and you think things are finally working out. Then, out of the blue, the person leaves or, otherwise, dumps you.
Emotional devastation follows and so many miserable feelings: despair, grief, anger, feelings of revenge.
Who has not been through some degree of this?
Who has not prayed from the depth of despair, “Please bring him (or her) back to me?”
And who has not thought, “After all I went through, all the compromises, all the struggle… and now I’m dumped? This is so unfair.”
Then we mourn and pine and go over what we did wrong.
In all fairness, we haven’t been taught a better way. Certainly our love songs encourage this pining.
Yet, mourning the loss of those who have left us and being frozen in the pain of loss is no way to be happy or to open to true love.
Worse yet, sometimes we recover only to be dumped again, or to find ourselves in the role of “dumper” where we hurt the feelings of someone else.
WHAT’S GOING ON?
So what the heck is going on?
And why do we persist in twisting ourselves to stay in a relationship that is a struggle, and then cry when it ends?
More importantly, what can you do about it? Can you get your ex back? How can you get God to help you straighten this mess out? What kind of prayers will actually help you get the love you need?
Here’s the scoop. I hope it will spare you misery.
GOD GAVE EACH OF US FREE WILL
I feel I must start by reminding you that God gave each of us free will and that you must be careful, in your prayer requests, to be sure you are not asking God to impose your own will upon another.
The truth is that God is not going to overrule your former partner’s desire and bring your ex back to you unless it will lead to the greatest joy for all concerned.
Although asking for an ex to come back to us is understandable because it can be so difficult to let go of those people who wish to leave our lives – and you may think that it would be best for that person to come back to you if only the fool would realize it – you cannot know that his or her coming back to you would really be the best thing for either of you.
So you must find a way to let go and open yourself to what God knows is best for you in the long term.
STRUGGLE: AN OMEN
Many of us have been raised to believe that struggle is a normal part of life and that, if something isn’t worth struggling for, it has no value.
As a result, we do not tend to see struggle as a possible clue that, perhaps, we have paired up with a person who is not our very best match.
Yet having to endure a lot of struggle and having to make a lot of compromises with your mate in regard to who you are allowed to be and what you are allowed to do are clues that something is wrong.
Your love relationship should, primarily, be joyful. You should feel safe in being yourself. Your beloved should be, to the best of his or her ability, supporting your expansion and growth as an individual, not thwarting it, and you should be doing the same for your beloved.
If either of you feels stifled or shut down in any way, or if the relationship feels draining or difficult, then your relationship has to change or it will, likely, end.
A relationship has to be happy and life-giving for both parties. Both parties need to feel appreciated, heard and loved. The way you like to give love has to be compatible with the way your partner likes to receive love, and vice-verse.
The adage that you “have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the prince” simply means that we often have to spend a lot of time finding out how we do not want to be treated until we figure out how we do want to be treated.
Once we figure out our preferences, it’s easy to tell if we enjoy spending time with a person or not.
And it becomes easier to tell if someone is just on his or her “best behavior” and temporarily behaving in ways that please us because they like us so well, but which they cannot maintain because those behaviors are simply not part of who they are.
HIGHEST AND BEST GOOD
So, getting back to the situation of having had a partner walk out on you, if it is in the highest and best good of all concerned for the two of you to get back together, then it can happen. There are counselors and courses that cover strategies for learning to listen to your spouse. Certainly investigate those if you want to give it a try.
However, if it isn’t in the highest and best good for both of you to get back together, then it will not happen or, if your ex does return, you will either not be happy or it will not last.
As painful as that may be initially, the best thing to do is realize that if someone has left you, it means he or she was not happy. If he or she was not happy, it is very likely that you were not entirely happy either, whether you faced up to that or not.
When you love, it is easy to live in denial and tell yourself you are happy when you are not.
When you are faced with someone wanting to leave, you may feel, somehow, diminished or made less valuable by that leaving and you may think that you need to do whatever it takes to get your ex back.
When a person leaves you it is easy to forget the struggles you endured and remember only the best times you had with them.
It is also easy to go into panic and fear that you are incapable of having a relationship or that you will not find someone else to love.
It is also a time when you may panic because of financial repercussions. You may feel you need to get your ex back simply to survive.
The truth is that, when someone walks out on you, it is better for that person to leave you sooner than later. The sooner he or she does, the more years you will have to devote to a relationship that is happier and more fulfilling.
The trick is – before you ever enter into a relationship – you would be wise to first pray in and visualize a wonderful relationship, a relationship that lovingly meets all your important emotional and physical needs, a relationship that is in the highest and best good of all concerned – including the happiness of children you may have together, in-laws, step children and the world in general.
RIGHT PRAYER FOR LOVE’S RETURN
If you are currently asking God to send your former spouse or lover or friend back to you, I invite you to restate your prayer request so it is something like the following. Here I use a fictitious name, Fred. Please insert the name and gender pronoun for the person you want back.
If it is in the highest and best good of all concerned, Fred realizes how wonderful I am, he realizes how much he loves me, he realizes how much he would miss me if I were no longer part of his life, and we are a joyous couple from now on.
“However, if it is not in the highest and best good that we get back together, then help me release him in joy and love, and guide me in attracting a life partner who is a joyful, loving match for me and for whom I am a joyful, loving match.
“I thank You so much for bringing this wonderful new person into my life. I love and appreciate him with all my heart and he loves and cherishes me with all his being.
“Our love is beautiful, joy-filled and mutual. We are best friends and life partners. We celebrate our physical aliveness together. We have enormous fun and create a beautiful life.
Thank You for all this and more.
Create an affirmative prayer that has this kind of language, and then invest some time, every day, in sitting by yourself and speaking this prayer.
After you speak it, close your eyes and joyfully visualize yourself experiencing what you would want in an ideal relationship, which will be the best relationship you can imagine.
If it feels good, spend about ten to fifteen minutes a day visualizing and affirming the good feelings you will have with your new partner.
If you want to spend more time doing it because it feels good or is a lot of fun to do, go ahead. If ten minutes is too long before visualizing feels like work, then experiment with a shorter period of time.
The rule of thumb is that it must be fun and energizing, whether you do it for one minute or one hour.
WHAT YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP
So what do you want in a love relationship? If you do not know, you will save yourself heartache and misery by figuring it out.
Have you ever wondered why we have a fifty percent divorce rate in the United States? It’s because people do not take the time to figure out how they want to feel and experience, day to day, in their relationships.
Consider that when you do not know what you want, you will not recognize its absence.
Yet, once you know what you want and visualize yourself experiencing it, you will quickly be able to see whether your experience with the person in front of you is matching the feelings in your visualizations or not, regardless of whether you are on a first date or bump into a stranger in a coffee shop.
So I invite you to think very carefully about how you want to be treated. Get clear on what kind of treatment and behaviors makes you feel joyful and loved.
For instance, imagine how you want a conversation to feel. Imagine how you want to be spoken to. Imagine how you want to be looked at and touched.
Do you like to hold hands? Then see your loved one reaching for your hand as you walk along the street.
Do you like to receive flowers? Then imagine that your future spouse bringing you a lovely bouquet every Friday.
Would it be wonderful to be excited about the same kinds of music and do things together with friends? Then imagine the two of you attending concerts, going out for coffee with friends afterward, and having a wonderful, exhilarating time in sharing your excitement and ideas.
Do you want children? Then see your partner enthusiastic about having children and being a great parent to them.
Do you want to travel? Then get some travel videos out of the library and, during your visualizations, imagine walking through those streets with your partner and having great times.
It’s not necessary to go through a big list-building exercise with this.
Just think about the kinds of things you love to do and want to do. Think about what makes a moment special for you. Think about whether you would like a partner to share those activities and events with you.
If it would add to your fun and to your enjoyment of life, then close your eyes and imagine having those experiences and sharing them with a special someone. See yourself laughing, joyful, and feeling blessed.
Imagination is, perhaps, your greatest asset. God’s gift to you, it is a tool for creating a magnificent life quickly. Yet, if you are not used to thinking about what you want or imagining yourself enjoying those things, then it may take just a little time getting your imagination muscle working.
First, identify what you do not want.
Simply let yourself remember an experience that did not feel good to you in some relationship.
Maybe your partner was always late and made you wait to be picked up when he or she could have arrived on time.
Maybe your spouse or partner had a habit of ignoring you when you first walked in the house, or ignored you to watch some worthless television show.
Identify the worse-feeling experiences and imagine the opposite of them.
Then build a visualization on that.
Opposite examples for the unwanted behaviors above might be as follows:
1) See your spouse always on time. Feel the relief and pleasure you feel at seeing the car pull up. See the smile flashed at you. Feel the sweet kiss brushed upon your cheek before your beloved puts the car in gear. Maybe there’s a cup of hot coffee waiting for you. Maybe your favorite music is playing. Maybe , because you love to dine out, you hear the words, “I have a surprise for you,” and then news of a dinner reservation.
2) Your spouse always comes to the door when he sees you have arrived, gives you a kiss on the cheek, and looks to help with anything you might be carrying. You breath in the scent of his aftershave and feel totally happy.
3) Any time you enter a room, your beloved gives you an “I’m glad to see you” smile and you feel a warm, loved feeling because you know that your presence is a plus in his or her life.
4) Whenever watching television, your beloved always looks up to give you a smile and mutes the program to check in with you and whether you want to watch, too, or if you have other things you are going to be doing.
5) Or, maybe, you sit down for a minute, get a kiss on the cheek and say, “I was just going to start dinner,” and your beloved clicks off the tube and says, “Sounds good. How about if I help?”
Your visualizations are up to you. The sky’s the limit. You can make them as romantic and loving as you like. Nothing is too extravagant. Also, since God does not judge you and sexual incompatibility can wreck a marriage, I strongly encourage you to visualize what you want to happen in the bedroom, as well.
Just make your visualizations joyful, loving and light.
Caution: do not think too long about the things in the past that you did not like because you do not want to create more of that. This is why going over and over the negatives in a relationship never helps create anything better. Quickly identify their opposites and create positive visualizations.
If you really cannot seem to visualize, then use Mind Movies to help you. It’s a lot of fun.
YOUR IDEAL “PLAYMATE”
We are each looking for a “playmate” in life, someone we can be best friends with and have fun with as we experience life.
We want someone who appreciates what we enjoy and who can help us understand and appreciate our life experiences better.
So imagine the types of things you want to do with your partner, and the way you want him to show you affection and concern.
IMAGINE WHAT YOU MOST WANT
Imagine your relationship as easy and fun and fulfilling.
Imagine yourself feeling cherished, deeply loved and valued.
Imagine yourself appreciating, loving and valuing your partner so that both your needs are met and you become strong sources of support and love for one another.
You will do yourself far more good through taking this approach than through pining after someone who, perhaps, is not your best match and, because of this truth, has left you.
THERE IS SOMEONE FOR YOU
The world is a huge place with so many people looking to love and be loved.
My wish for you is that, rather than hanging on to the past, you will open to your perfect match so you may experience the love, joy and right companionship that your Creator has cued up for you.
In summary, here’s the foolproof method for attracting the right life partner to you:
1) Create an exciting new story for yourself about what you deserve and want.
2) Turn it into an affirmative prayer which you speak in fun and playfulness.
3) Visualize your ideal relationship as though you have it now, leaving nothing important out.
4) Infuse your visualizations of relating with color, scent and feeling.
5) Play uplifting, happy music in the background as you speak your affirmative prayers and spend time visualizing your new, happy future.
6) Should you feel any uncertainty, quell it with the phrases “I will recognize my ideal mate when I see him (or her)” and “I will know what I want in my ideal relationship when I see it.”
7) Spend time every day speaking and visualizing what you want, as above.
If you want to be absolutely sure that “this is the one” and that you are not just intoxicated by your new love’s attention when he or she shows up, then keep affirming and visualizing during your courtship, all the way until you exchange vows.
God always says “yes” to what will, in the long run, bring you greatest joy. So begin, today, to release the old unhappiness by beginning to say “yes” to a new vision of happy relating.
Having used these techniques to attract my husband, I know from personal experience that they work, and they can work very quickly. Six weeks from the time I began praying and visualizing my perfect mate and how we would interact, the man who was the perfect match for me showed up in my life, ready to commit.
So I assure you that your ideal mate is out there, looking for you. Just give God a chance to bring your you the love and joy you both deserve and you will connect sooner than you expect.
Love and blessings -
Lifting personal and world energies since 2003.