AFFIRMATIVE PRAYER – LAW OF ATTRACTION – EFT – SPIRITUAL GROWTH FOR A MAGNIFICENT LIFE
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How To Pray For Love

CupidHas this happened to you?

You’re in a relationship with someone. You feel you really love this person. You have been through a lot making this relationship work and you think things are finally working out. Then, out of the blue, the person leaves or, otherwise, dumps you.

Emotional devastation follows and so many miserable feelings: despair, grief, anger, feelings of revenge.

Who has not been through some degree of this?

Who has not prayed from the depth of despair, “Please bring him (or her) back to me?”

And who has not thought, “After all I went through, all the compromises, all the struggle… and now I’m dumped? This is so unfair.”

Then we mourn and pine and go over what we did wrong.

In all fairness, we haven’t been taught a better way. Certainly our love songs encourage this pining.

Yet, mourning the loss of those who have left us and being frozen in the pain of loss is no way to be happy or to open to true love.

Worse yet, sometimes we recover only to be dumped again, or to find ourselves in the role of “dumper” where we hurt the feelings of someone else.

WHAT’S GOING ON?

So what the heck is going on?

And why do we persist in twisting ourselves to stay in a relationship that is a struggle, and then cry when it ends?

More importantly, what can you do about it? Can you get your ex back? How can you get God to help you straighten this mess out? What kind of prayers will actually help you get the love you need?

Here’s the scoop. I hope it will spare you misery.

GOD GAVE EACH OF US FREE WILL

I feel I must start by reminding you that God gave each of us free will and that you must be careful, in your prayer requests, to be sure you are not asking God to impose your own will upon another.

The truth is that God is not going to overrule your former partner’s desire and bring your ex back to you unless it will lead to the greatest joy for all concerned.

Although asking for an ex to come back to us is understandable because it can be so difficult to let go of those people who wish to leave our lives – and you may think that it would be best for that person to come back to you if only the fool would realize it – you cannot know that his or her coming back to you would really be the best thing for either of you.

So you must find a way to let go and open yourself to what God knows is best for you in the long term.

STRUGGLE: AN OMEN

Many of us have been raised to believe that struggle is a normal part of life and that, if something isn’t worth struggling for, it has no value.

As a result, we do not tend to see struggle as a possible clue that, perhaps, we have paired up with a person who is not our very best match.

Yet having to endure a lot of struggle and having to make a lot of compromises with your mate in regard to who you are allowed to be and what you are allowed to do are clues that something is wrong.

Your love relationship should, primarily, be joyful. You should feel safe in being yourself. Your beloved should be, to the best of his or her ability, supporting your expansion and growth as an individual, not thwarting it, and you should be doing the same for your beloved.

If either of you feels stifled or shut down in any way, or if the relationship feels draining or difficult, then your relationship has to change or it will, likely, end.

A relationship has to be happy and life-giving for both parties. Both parties need to feel appreciated, heard and loved. The way you like to give love has to be compatible with the way your partner likes to receive love, and vice-verse.

The adage that you “have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the prince” simply means that we often have to spend a lot of time finding out how we do not want to be treated until we figure out how we do want to be treated.

Once we figure out our preferences, it’s easy to tell if we enjoy spending time with a person or not.

And it becomes easier to tell if someone is just on his or her “best behavior” and temporarily behaving in ways that please us because they like us so well, but which they cannot maintain because those behaviors are simply not part of who they are.

HIGHEST AND BEST GOOD

So, getting back to the situation of having had a partner walk out on you, if it is in the highest and best good of all concerned for the two of you to get back together, then it can happen. There are counselors and courses that cover strategies for learning to listen to your spouse. Certainly investigate those if you want to give it a try.

However, if it isn’t in the highest and best good for both of you to get back together, then it will not happen or, if your ex does return, you will either not be happy or it will not last.

As painful as that may be initially, the best thing to do is realize that if someone has left you, it means he or she was not happy. If he or she was not happy, it is very likely that you were not entirely happy either, whether you faced up to that or not.

When you love, it is easy to live in denial and tell yourself you are happy when you are not.

When you are faced with someone wanting to leave, you may feel, somehow, diminished or made less valuable by that leaving and you may think that you need to do whatever it takes to get your ex back.

When a person leaves you it is easy to forget the struggles you endured and remember only the best times you had with them.

It is also easy to go into panic and fear that you are incapable of having a relationship or that you will not find someone else to love.

It is also a time when you may panic because of financial repercussions. You may feel you need to get your ex back simply to survive.

The truth is that, when someone walks out on you, it is better for that person to leave you sooner than later. The sooner he or she does, the more years you will have to devote to a relationship that is happier and more fulfilling.

The trick is – before you ever enter into a relationship – you would be wise to first pray in and visualize a wonderful relationship, a relationship that lovingly meets all your important emotional and physical needs, a relationship that is in the highest and best good of all concerned – including the happiness of children you may have together, in-laws, step children and the world in general.

RIGHT PRAYER FOR LOVE’S RETURN

If you are currently asking God to send your former spouse or lover or friend back to you, I invite you to restate your prayer request so it is something like the following. Here I use a fictitious name, Fred. Please insert the name and gender pronoun for the person you want back.

“Dear God,

If it is in the highest and best good of all concerned, Fred realizes how wonderful I am, he realizes how much he loves me, he realizes how much he would miss me if I were no longer part of his life, and we are a joyous couple from now on.

“However, if it is not in the highest and best good that we get back together, then help me release him in joy and love, and guide me in attracting a life partner who is a joyful, loving match for me and for whom I am a joyful, loving match.

“I thank You so much for bringing this wonderful new person into my life. I love and appreciate him with all my heart and he loves and cherishes me with all his being.

“Our love is beautiful, joy-filled and mutual. We are best friends and life partners. We celebrate our physical aliveness together. We have enormous fun and create a beautiful life.

Thank You for all this and more.

Amen.”

Create an affirmative prayer that has this kind of language, and then invest some time, every day, in sitting by yourself and speaking this prayer.

After you speak it, close your eyes and joyfully visualize yourself experiencing what you would want in an ideal relationship, which will be the best relationship you can imagine.

If it feels good, spend about ten to fifteen minutes a day visualizing and affirming the good feelings you will have with your new partner.

If you want to spend more time doing it because it feels good or is a lot of fun to do, go ahead. If ten minutes is too long before visualizing feels like work, then experiment with a shorter period of time.

The rule of thumb is that it must be fun and energizing, whether you do it for one minute or one hour.

WHAT YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP

So what do you want in a love relationship? If you do not know, you will save yourself heartache and misery by figuring it out.

Have you ever wondered why we have a fifty percent divorce rate in the United States? It’s because people do not take the time to figure out how they want to feel and experience, day to day, in their relationships.

Consider that when you do not know what you want, you will not recognize its absence.

Yet, once you know what you want and visualize yourself experiencing it, you will quickly be able to see whether your experience with the person in front of you is matching the feelings in your visualizations or not, regardless of whether you are on a first date or bump into a stranger in a coffee shop.

So I invite you to think very carefully about how you want to be treated. Get clear on what kind of treatment and behaviors makes you feel joyful and loved.

For instance, imagine how you want a conversation to feel. Imagine how you want to be spoken to. Imagine how you want to be looked at and touched.

Do you like to hold hands? Then see your loved one reaching for your hand as you walk along the street.

Do you like to receive flowers? Then imagine that your future spouse bringing you a lovely bouquet every Friday.

Would it be wonderful to be excited about the same kinds of music and do things together with friends? Then imagine the two of you attending concerts, going out for coffee with friends afterward, and having a wonderful, exhilarating time in sharing your excitement and ideas.

Do you want children? Then see your partner enthusiastic about having children and being a great parent to them.

Do you want to travel? Then get some travel videos out of the library and, during your visualizations, imagine walking through those streets with your partner and having great times.

It’s not necessary to go through a big list-building exercise with this.

Just think about the kinds of things you love to do and want to do. Think about what makes a moment special for you. Think about whether you would like a partner to share those activities and events with you.

If it would add to your fun and to your enjoyment of life, then close your eyes and imagine having those experiences and sharing them with a special someone. See yourself laughing, joyful, and feeling blessed.

IMAGINATION TROUBLE

Imagination is, perhaps, your greatest asset. God’s gift to you, it is a tool for creating a magnificent life quickly. Yet, if you are not used to thinking about what you want or imagining yourself enjoying those things, then it may take just a little time getting your imagination muscle working.

First, identify what you do not want.

Simply let yourself remember an experience that did not feel good to you in some relationship.

Maybe your partner was always late and made you wait to be picked up when he or she could have arrived on time.

Maybe your spouse or partner had a habit of ignoring you when you first walked in the house, or ignored you to watch some worthless television show.

Identify the worse-feeling experiences and imagine the opposite of them.

Then build a visualization on that.

Opposite examples for the unwanted behaviors above might be as follows:

1) See your spouse always on time. Feel the relief and pleasure you feel at seeing the car pull up. See the smile flashed at you. Feel the sweet kiss brushed upon your cheek before your beloved puts the car in gear. Maybe there’s a cup of hot coffee waiting for you. Maybe your favorite music is playing. Maybe , because you love to dine out, you hear the words, “I have a surprise for you,” and then news of a dinner reservation.

2) Your spouse always comes to the door when he sees you have arrived, gives you a kiss on the cheek, and looks to help with anything you might be carrying. You breath in the scent of his aftershave and feel totally happy.

3) Any time you enter a room, your beloved gives you an “I’m glad to see you” smile and you feel a warm, loved feeling because you know that your presence is a plus in his or her life.

4) Whenever watching television, your beloved always looks up to give you a smile and mutes the program to check in with you and whether you want to watch, too, or if you have other things you are going to be doing.

5) Or, maybe, you sit down for a minute, get a kiss on the cheek and say, “I was just going to start dinner,” and your beloved clicks off the tube and says, “Sounds good. How about if I help?”

Your visualizations are up to you. The sky’s the limit. You can make them as romantic and loving as you like. Nothing is too extravagant. Also, since God does not judge you and sexual incompatibility can wreck a marriage, I strongly encourage you to visualize what you want to happen in the bedroom, as well.

Just make your visualizations joyful, loving and light.

Caution: do not think too long about the things in the past that you did not like because you do not want to create more of that. This is why going over and over the negatives in a relationship never helps create anything better. Quickly identify their opposites and create positive visualizations.

If you really cannot seem to visualize, then use Mind Movies to help you. It’s a lot of fun.

YOUR IDEAL “PLAYMATE”

We are each looking for a “playmate” in life, someone we can be best friends with and have fun with as we experience life.

We want someone who appreciates what we enjoy and who can help us understand and appreciate our life experiences better.

So imagine the types of things you want to do with your partner, and the way you want him to show you affection and concern.

IMAGINE WHAT YOU MOST WANT

Imagine your relationship as easy and fun and fulfilling.

Imagine yourself feeling cherished, deeply loved and valued.

Imagine yourself appreciating, loving and valuing your partner so that both your needs are met and you become strong sources of support and love for one another.

You will do yourself far more good through taking this approach than through pining after someone who, perhaps, is not your best match and, because of this truth, has left you.

THERE IS SOMEONE FOR YOU

The world is a huge place with so many people looking to love and be loved.

My wish for you is that, rather than hanging on to the past, you will open to your perfect match so you may experience the love, joy and right companionship that your Creator has cued up for you.

In summary, here’s the foolproof method for attracting the right life partner to you:

1) Create an exciting new story for yourself about what you deserve and want.

2) Turn it into an affirmative prayer which you speak in fun and playfulness.

3) Visualize your ideal relationship as though you have it now, leaving nothing important out.

4) Infuse your visualizations of relating with color, scent and feeling.

5) Play uplifting, happy music in the background as you speak your affirmative prayers and spend time visualizing your new, happy future.

6) Should you feel any uncertainty, quell it with the phrases “I will recognize my ideal mate when I see him (or her)” and “I will know what I want in my ideal relationship when I see it.”

7) Spend time every day speaking and visualizing what you want, as above.

If you want to be absolutely sure that “this is the one” and that you are not just intoxicated by your new love’s attention when he or she shows up, then keep affirming and visualizing during your courtship, all the way until you exchange vows.

God always says “yes” to what will, in the long run, bring you greatest joy. So begin, today, to release the old unhappiness by beginning to say “yes” to a new vision of happy relating.

Having used these techniques to attract my husband, I know from personal experience that they work, and they can work very quickly. Six weeks from the time I began praying and visualizing my perfect mate and how we would interact, the man who was the perfect match for me showed up in my life, ready to commit.

So I assure you that your ideal mate is out there, looking for you. Just give God a chance to bring your you the love and joy you both deserve and you will connect sooner than you expect.

Love and blessings -

www.prayerforce.org

Lifting personal and world energies since 2003.

104 comments

1 Angie { 11.26.11 at }

I needed to read this tonight. I was dumped by the man I have loved for the past 23 years of my 43 years on this earth. He lied to and cheated on me repeatedly. I honestly believed that if I could not make this one relationship work, I must not be worthy and I projected that. I believed things would get better. He married someone else 3 months after he left me. I am so hurt he didn’t choose me. I didn’t even realize there was someone else partly because all the abnormalities in our relationship had come to feel so normal. He never had time for me/us, he always claimed to be working. I could go on and on. I prayed for GOD to bring him back and in the past he always came back. I thought that because he kept coming back to me it was a sign that we were meant to be together. I am truly devastated. When will I stop loving someone who has caused me so much pain?

2 Jannette { 03.14.12 at }

For the first time that my boyfriend left me, I smiled. Although it hurts, I know god will only bring me what is best. It may be my ex or it may be someone else. Regardless I have faith in the future god has for me

3 sukh { 04.06.12 at }

I was dating a great man for about a year he seems perfect for me dear lord I do love him and I know the preasssures of work are his burden now. dear lord if he is the one my heart does believe it let him return so we can have kids and start a loving beautiful future together..but i want what is best for all. if not bring the man into my life that will be my future husband and love me unconditionally let me adore him as much as he adores me and let two children of the body come very soon

4 yinka { 04.08.12 at }

i really needed to read this, this really showed me how ignorant i was in my relationship and how the tiniest bit of gesture matters. thank you for reminding me

5 prince { 05.12.12 at }

This message from the lord..thanks Jesus for giving me a new life to start. Am gona be abeter person

6 Clyo Beck { 05.24.12 at }

Yes, strive always to be kind to yourself and to others, and to do good. Yet know that God adores you, just as you are right now, and does not judge your missteps. God appreciates your struggles and how you never give up trying to embody His love on earth. You are so loved and you always will be. Love yourself and have faith that you are ever able to hold more and more Divine Love and Light as time goes on, and that you are needed in the world today, just as you are. I send you much love. ~ Clyo

7 Liza { 07.21.12 at }

I needed to read this. I had all of this, I woke up every morning without an alarm clock happy, we never had a fight, we always laughed, and enjoyed each others company. We were friends first. I prayed for years for a man to be my best friend, someone I could be comfortable with someone I could have my friends and family around and they not be judgemental. I did not pray for him in particular , but after a while when we did start dating I realized he was everything I had prayed for, and it scared me. And in what seemed like a blink of an eye, I managed to destroy all of that in one day. I became extremely intoxicated and flirted with another man, and he saw me from a distance. I also said somethings that i dont remember, ie calling this other man baby in casual conversation. I didn’t know he was watching me, and it crushed him. Now he is defensive with his feelings. He doesn’t want us to lose our friendship, but he has such a hard time looking at me the same way. My behavior was way out of my character, we both know that. He tells me he is more shocked than anything else. I’ve apologized many times over, and he tells me he knows in his heart that I am remorseful, and it will probably never happen again, but he had such a hard time getting what he saw out of his head. When he sees me, that’s all that flashes back to him. Our friendship is what started everything. I wants friend back more than anything. I want to just hold his hand, I want him to trust me again. I prayer for all those wonderful things to happen to me, and I just pray that I can regain all of that. I’m not on any time constraint. It took years for him to appear in my life in the manner he did, and what we had is worth waiting for it to return. He is trying to get past this, and he tells me he tries constantly thinking of all the good we had. I’m just at a loss, other than pray, I don’t know what else to do.

8 oniccah { 07.31.12 at }

I thank God that after my boyfriend left me without any reason, with the promise to marry me, I was not hurt cos I know my Redeemer lives and He want the best for me. know I met guy that love me and I prayer to God bless through the days of our lives.

9 Clyo Beck { 08.09.12 at }

Forgive yourself. It was the alcohol. You were so afraid you didn’t deserve him – no doubt you were taught this by someone and probably as a child – and when you drank, that program came up and took over.

We all have programs like this. Recognize it. Own it. Get help for clearing out this program of not deserving. The best technique I know of is EFT or tapping. Get fluent in EFT and start tapping this stuff out.

If you want me to mentor and guide you, using EFT and prayer to clear these programs out, send me an email to clyo(at)prayerforce.org. I would be willing to work with you on this. Be aware I charge for my mentoring.

You can get him back. Change the inner programs – do the work clearing these emotional blocks to happiness – and the distrust will dissolve. Bottom line, pray about it and ask to be led to what will heal the inner programs of not-deserving and heal this breach. Then follow your guidance. If it feels empowering and joyful, it’s right. Do not do anything because you feel you “have to.” It must feel inspiring, uplifting, hopeful, optimistic.

I speak the Word on your behalf: this problem, although it seems so serious, dissolves into the nothingness from which it came. You and your beloved are reunited and happier than ever. All is well. And so it is. Amen.

I send you much love.

10 Deirdre { 08.15.12 at }

I am 46 years old I was married to high school sweet heart for almost 20 years. Since my divorce 5 years ago, i have seen two men. One of which i thought i could fall in love with. It didnt work out the first time. Since then there has no one. About 2 wweks ago i ran into him again. We picked up where we left off. It was great for the first week, and all thoses feeling started to come back. I know he is not whatgod wants for me. I just feel like there is noone else out there for me. I’m praying and asking god to help me thru this, and send some one to me who is best for me.

11 Shelly { 08.22.12 at }

My boyfriend of 1 and a half years, told me today that he is still not ready for marriage and that he is doubting his relationship with me cuz of his fear of marriage. We were doing amazing so I thought. He loves me more than he has loved anyone. How can I help him so that we are perfect together.

12 juliet { 09.07.12 at }

My name is Juliet from usa. I never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i went to Africa in March this year on a business summit. I meant a man who could help cast spells to bring back one’s gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell .I’m now happy and a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 4 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 4years. I really loved him, but his mother was against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided, skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in 7 days when i returned to Chicago, my boyfriend (now husband) called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job,a car and our lives became much better.

13 kris hang { 09.11.12 at }

My gf broke up with me today. I am very hurt. I feel so weak without her. She says I need to change. I want to change. But its very hard. We been together for 2 years. I am so lost. I can only pray to god for her to call me.

14 Clyo Beck { 09.18.12 at }

Dear Kris,

I know only too well how horrible it feels to suddenly be without the one you love and rely upon. It is like your entire world has fallen apart. So it’s natural to feel weak and miserable. Yet, I have to ask you – and I hope somehow you receive this gently – what if she never calls?

Will you punish yourself for not being what she wanted - for not being able to change in ways she wanted – for weeks, months, or years?

I hope not. So, having been where you are now, I ask you to consider changing your request to God.

Rather than asking Him to have her call you, ask Him to help you be WHO YOU HAVE TO BE TO BE FULLY YOU, and to bring people to you who adore you for you (not for some future you) and who you adore, in return.

When people tell us we must change to be with them, they do not love us. They love some ideal they have of us that is not real. Then their love is conditional on us fitting that ideal. They are not willing to stick by us as we go through our messy ups and downs of learning who we really are.

It could be, Kris – unless you are a hit man or someone who enjoys hurting other people – that you are just fine the way you are, for now.

Of course, you will grow and change – that’s inevitable. But your goal must be to grow more into your true self, and not into what someone else wants you to be.

The thing is, you can change and change and change for someone, and that person is likely to leave anyway because she is not with you for you, she is with you for the masks you keep putting on at her request. In other words, you still will not be what she wants.

I cannot stress this too much: part of owning your spiritual power is to have the strength to be true to yourself and become the person YOU want to be. It means you DO NOT change or adjust who you are because someone else wants you to be some other way than you are.

We do that when we really do not honor and respect ourselves or believe there is something great and beautiful inside of us that will attract the one who will love us best.

A person who loves you will stick with you through rough periods of inner reflection and growth. That person will not abandon you.

Also – you cannot know who you are becoming ahead of time. It’s a process and a journey. Ten, twenty, thirty years from now you will be joyfully amazed at all that has happened in your life, provided that you follow your own inner voice and not bow to the wishes of others to do and be what they want.

Please, Kris, look to God to fill your loneliness. In fact – and this may sound weird – look to yourself, to your own Higher Self to fill you with love.

First, say this prayer:

Dear God, please bless ________ (your girlfriend) and please bless me. If it is best that we be together, then fill her heart and mind with renewed love for me, and renew and reinvent our relationship so we can both be who we really are, together. If it is best for her and best for me to go our separate ways, I release her. I trust You to bring me the love I deserve and long for. I trust You to protect me as I release this terrible sadness and grief. I want to be my best self. I cannot be that while I feel so horrible. Help me feel these feelings, protect me as they pass through me, and replace them with a sense of Your incredible love for me. I trust You are here, with me now, protecting and guiding me. Thank you, Beloved God. Amen.

Put two chairs across from one another and talk to your High Self. You sit, first, in one chair and talk about how weak you feel. If you can, cry. It’s okay to have feelings. You are not a loser to feel like this. There is not a person on this planet who has not felt despair and loneliness, and who has not felt unloved. If it helps, put on sad music and cry it out. Get it out for about 5 to 15 minutes. Really honor your sadness and loneliness. Talk to it. Tell it: I am honoring you. I know you are here to teach me to love myself better. Then imagine yourself releasing this energy to God.

When you feel spent, ask God to tell you how much He loves you. Then switch chairs. Get quiet. Ask God to fill you with the love and wisdom of your High Self. Then
begin writing a love letter TO YOURSELF. Tell yourself what a great person you are. List all your good qualities. Do not be afraid to go “over the top.” For instance:

Do you care about others? (Yes – I can feel that even here, in the few words you wrote.)
Are you capable of loving? (Yes!)
Are there things you are good at doing?
Have you made people smile and laugh?
You are vulnerable! (a great need in our society – to be open to our feelings and not callous)
You have faith in God to assist you. (There are some who just refuse spiritual help – you, however, are willing to accept it!)
You ARE willing to change. So many people are dead-set against it. This is huge.

When you begin to get in touch with God’s love for you and your own Soul’s love for you, you will understand that you are a lovable person, and you deserve someone who will be there for you and not break your heart.

Concentrate on loving yourself, Kris. When you truly love yourself, someone will enter your life who reflects your own feelings of self-worth back to you.

And that relationship will be awesome and lasting.

I send you much love.
Clyo

15 Clyo Beck { 09.18.12 at }

As we walk the spiritual path, those who are willing to change and become spiritually empowered discover they have vows and programs that sabotage them. Then, it is up to us to discover the means – and the healers – who can help us create the change in those patterns within us that we want.

The truth is, were we living “in the flow” we would not need “spellcasters” or anyone else to help us move out negative energy or dissolve patterns. Yet, often to get to a point where we can live “in the flow” we need the help of someone trained as a facilitator in moving stuck energy. Who we choose – and what methology we choose – will depend upon what feels right and empowering to us.

We must – however – always be very careful to use spiritual techniques that do not impinge on the free will of others. We must always use our spiritual and energy-moving techniques – whether prayer, meditation, EFT, Reiki, affirmations or whatever – with the intent that negative energies be dissolved within us so our inner Light can shine more fully.

Likewise, when we are praying or doing work on behalf of others, the purpose is to facilitate their empowerment, their healing, and their happiness, not ours.

We always want to work for the empowerment of others. We never want to use any technique – or hire anyone to use a technique on our behalf – without regard for what’s best for all in a situation.

If your “spellcaster” has integrity and was merely moving and dissolving the energy within you that was causing the problems you describe, I would expect the success you describe to last.
You cannot, however, have a spell cast to have someone return to you and expect your relationship to last if it is going against that person’s will and life path.

You can also be sure that, if a person’s path does not include you, someone more compatible with you is waiting “downstream” from where you are. To fight to remain with someone who is not your best match is folly. To use a spellcaster to get what you want without concern for the best path of others lacks integrity and will, eventually, bring you more problems than you originally had. So be mindful in your choices.

16 Clyo Beck { 09.18.12 at }

Dear Shelly,

We are here to be co-creators with God. We are here to decide what we want, to imagine it and move toward it.

We are not here, however, to change someone else – or to “help” someone else make a commitment to us when he does not want to.

Shelly, do not pray to change your boyfriend. Instead, pray to God and ask Him to reach inside you and change you.

Ask God to lead you to the best possible relationship for you. Tell him that you are open to changing your beliefs and perceptions about everything -
–about the need to get married
–about the perception that this man is “the one” and perfect for you
–about your own worth

Make this your constant prayer: Not my will, but Thine be done, for the highest good of all.

Be open to the relationship ending, to your boyfriend deciding he does want only you, or to your realizing it is the relationship as it is without marriage and not a marriage certificate that is most valuable to you and which will remain valuable to you over the next ten, twenty, thirty years.

If you really want to get married and need that as a token of love and commitment, then do not compromise your integrity by staying with a man who will not commit to you.

It will be his loss if he lets you go. Value yourself enough to leave with dignity.

Work on self love. Love yourself well, and you will attract someone who would not dream of leading you on or telling you that now he is doubting his relationship with you because you want a commitment from him.

Walk out the door, sweetie, then pray, pray, pray and release.

If you must have marriage and he is the one, he will come to you with an engagement ring and wedding plans. If he isn’t, bless him and let him go. There is someone even better out there for you who will will love even more, and who will thank his lucky stars that he has the chance to make a commitment to you.

I send you much love,
Clyo

17 sharon { 09.21.12 at }

I am a girl and i loved a girl. At first she loved she loved me madly for three years. Then she gradually started loosing interest in me. She found a boy she fell for. She lied to me about getting in a relationship with him. I came to know only after three or four months of their relation. I was devastated as i left everything for her. I am totally broken now and feel i will never get anyone who will love me truly, or maybe i wont be able to love again.

18 Albert Collins { 09.23.12 at }

Please I need your help Please I can not sleep nor eat not do anything good , keep thinking all the time, My girlfriend left me for another man & I really need her back int my life without her I am lost, her name is Milagrosa Mikuy Please help me please I am on my kneels, we both lived in Equatorial Guinea, Bata,

19 Devon { 09.28.12 at }

Hi,

My girlfriend broke up with me 2 months ago, was not showing her enough attention and being loving enough. Problem is I’ve suffered from anxiety the last 4 years, which really affected my thoughts and behavior and my relationship, girlfriend could not understand this and had enough. I wasn’t normal, and now have deep feelings if regret and anger for not being the best I could be. Feel like an opportunity was lost but my health affected how I thought and felt.

20 Caroline { 10.02.12 at }

I am currently going thru a terrible break up. We have been together for 4 years. I love him more then I love myself sometimes because I have always felt that God placed me in his path because he needed me. My “boyfriend” was adopted at age five and has been abused on many levels. The only person who ever showed him love was his adoptive father who passed away while he was a young child. His adoptive mother and sister have always treated him horribly and have always made him feel as if he was nothing. When we met and he showed me the hurt and the loneliness he was experiencing, we we sitting across the street from a church, and he spoke and feel asleep on my lap. I took it as a sign from God because I went threw the same pain as a foster child. I was blessed to get my family back, bit he’ll never get that so I spent the next 4 years trying to show him love. Support him in his endevors and in his hopes and dreams. I have tried to give him a family of his own but we lost our daughter to stillbirth at 32 weeks earlier this year. I don’t know what to do anymore because he is pushing me away and acting as if he no longer loves me or cares for me. It makes it harder because I’m pregnant now. Even as I wrote this I am in tears. I just want to know what to do? How can I make this pain go and become stronger not only for myself but for my unborn? I feel so lost and alone. Does anyone have any words of wisdom? Please any help would be appreciated. Thank you and God bless.

21 Clyo Beck { 10.04.12 at }

Dearest Caroline –

Here is the hard news I have to deliver.

When we have been lonely for love as children, and when there is someone from whom we never were able to get the love we needed – or were never able to be loved by that person in the specific way we needed – we will, as adults, seek out partners who treat us just like that person from our childhood.

We do it because the child is us is still trying to heal that relationship. We are still trying to get the love from that person now that we didn’t get then, only we wind up attracted to a surrogate.

I was stunned – after much prayer and energy work – to realize that my ex-husband – and I absolutely adored him – actually physically looked like an uncle who was cruel, cavalier and unloving toward me. I didn’t realize it until years after my divorce (a divorce I did not want) when – still hurting secretly from the loss – I was going through some old pictures and saw a photo of my uncle standing next to me when I was maybe 18 months to two years old. I am looking up at him. He is very handsome.

And he looks, in that photo, just like my ex. I cannot tell you the extent of my shock when that realization hit me.

I never felt loved or respected or validated by my uncle – who dismissed girls as being inferior – and surprise, surprise – my once loving husband turned out to be much the same.

This is the truth: each of us has to first devote ourselves to loving and healing ourselves before looking for a partner. In addition, you must always make your own happiness your own first priority. Don’t worry, you will be drawn to a compatible person who can be himself as you are being yourself.

You know what real blasphemy is? Ignoring the calling of your own soul? So make your soul – and the alignment of your life with the joy of your soul – your first priority.

When you feel good, you are in alignment with your soul. When you feel bad – or put upon, or sacrificing, or ignored, or unloved – you are doing something that is putting you in a place that is not in alignment with your soul. When you put helping someone else to heal above your own healing, you are betraying yourself.

Yes, be compassionate, be loving and help others, but when a choice comes between who comes first – loyalty to your own soul desire must come first.

I did what you did – supported my ex with all his hopes and dreams both financially and emotionally, at the expense of my own. I was out of alignment with my old soul.

Sweetie – bottom line – you have to make what makes you happy and loving yourself your number one priorities.

Pray to be lifted out of these old energies. Then follow what gives you relief and hope. I am a big advocate of EFT – Emotional Freedom Technique. I’m convinced that anyone with childhood issues around love would be wise to seek out a certified EFT specialist. There are few people who do not have emotional and energetic patterns to release – patterns that attract us, like magnets, to people who are like those who either hurt us or did not give us the love we needed in our childhoods.

There is a whole world of hope out there. There are many, many loving giving people. Clear the blocks and hurts to receiving love and everything will change.

This is what is true: change your energy and everything else changes. This is how Jesus healed the sick. He vibrated from such a high place that he could just touch you and he raised you up out of misery. He changed your energy; he took you to a vibrational place where the misery or illness simply could not exist.

So – seek energetic healing and alignment with your Source. Follow your guidance. Do not talk yourself out of where your own spirit is trying to lead you. Ask God to lead you to your joy, and expect to be led to relief, hope and, finally, joy. Ask God: “How does it get better than this?” And keep asking that question over and over. You will be led to thoughts, people, and situations that are stepping stones in improving your life and how you feel.

God loves you. The Universe is friendly toward you. You are meant to be happy. You are meant to shed all that limits and hurts you. You are meant to live your dreams.

You have a stream of love and joy within you. When you are following it you feel lighter. If you do not feel joy, at least you will feel relief from the previous moment’s misery. This is how you know you are following your guidance and going in the right direction, and going with the flow of your own Divine Stream. You either feel relief, a lightness or some degree of happiness or hope.

If a thought, statement, or proposed action feels heavy, makes you feel sad or confused or hopeless – or even dread – then it’s not going to help you.

You are a beautiful child of God who deserves love as much as anyone. You are never alone. Expect God to led you, to help you, to protect you, to sustain you, to lead you to your complete healing. Then follow that inner guidance. It can look like nothing is happening. You are being birthed. The Infinite Joyful Being that is you and that seeks to express its joy through you in your human form is urging you on.

We come down here, absorb all sorts of negative energy and then it runs us and makes us miserable.

Your journey as an adult is to return to your joyful knowing of who you are and how valuable you are. .Your journey is to shed all that you learned that has limited and saddened you.

Seek out that which makes you feel good about you. Immerse yourself in positive thoughts, prayers, ideas. Seek out a qualified energy worker to help you.

All will be well, beautiful girl. It looks like disaster and feels like devastation now, but it is only a step on your journey of healing and this, too, shall pass.

I send you much love.
Clyo

22 Clyo Beck { 10.04.12 at }

Dear Devon,

Sweetie – do whatever you can to stop beating up on yourself. Those thoughts are working against what your own inner spirit is trying to accomplish.

Also, your job in life is not to change so someone else will love you. Your job is to give birth to your own joyful soul energy.

The irony is, the more people tell us there is something wrong and we are not “normal” the more anxious and “abnormal” we become.

Your anxiety is, most likely, due to your image of yourself. Yet, how did you get that image? I’ll tell you how – you were born on earth, in an anxiety producing environment. So it’s actually normal to be nervous and anxious.

You are probably sensitive to other people’s energies. We all pick them up.

It is so common for kids to absorb the anxiety of their parents – or of classmates, teachers – really, of the world – and they have no reference for it. They pick it up, they feel it, and they think all that anxiety is theirs.

Then – and here is the irony – they develop their own anxiety about the fact they feel anxious.

Sweetie – my sense is that you are trapped in energies that are not even yours. You’ve absorbed them over time and – irony of ironies – then you became anxious and developed your own anxiety energy because of all the energy you picked up from others that made you feel anxious.

There is nothing wrong with you. Please be a friend to yourself and stop telling yourself that there is.

The fastest way I know to get rid of energy that isn’t yours and to allow your own joyful spiritual energy to flow through you, to feel good, and to begin to see these kinds of problems dropping away is to go to a skilled EFT practitioner.

EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Technique. Some people call it “psychological acupuncture.”

It is the most amazing and dynamic technique for freeing up and changing your energy that I know of. Through it you can let go of the past, release all that hurts and blocks you, including energy that was never yours to begin with, and begin enjoying life.

You can find a certified practitioner on one of these two sites:

http://www.aamet.org/search/search-aamet-members-test.html

http://www.eftuniverse.com/?option=com_profiles

If you are unsure, pray about it. Ask to be led. Expect to be led.

If you feel drawn to seek out an energy practitioner, be sure to ask to be led to the right practitioner for you, then follow the lead you get.

If you feel excited and hopeful about a practitioner, and you feel you’d like to try it, then go for it. Do not hesitate or talk yourself out of it.

If you would be going with reluctance and because you do not know what else to do (but you do not really feel – in your heart or gut – that you want to do this) then do not do it.

Whatever path you choose must be one that draws you to it. Your own heart and inner feeling must be urging you toward it, or it probably is not going to be effective. Your inner spirit is urging you toward healing.

Listen! And follow!

This is how you know God or your own inner spirit is urging you toward something: the thought of doing it makes you feel hopeful or happy or, at least, less miserable in the moment when you think of it.

If, however, the thought of doing something increases your misery or gives you no relief and no hope – or even makes you feel dread – then do not do it. Not to please anyone or meet expectations, not out of desperation – whatever – because it will prove counterproductive.

Your own spirit is guiding you 24/7.

Listen. Go with what attracts you, to what calls you, to what gives you hope, to what gives you relief, even if it is just momentary.

Clearly, you are not in a place where you can follow your joy, so you must pay attention to the subtle differences in your feelings.

Your feelings are an unfailing emotional guidance system. The journey may be circuitous and you may not see the next step before you, but when you commit to birthing the joy of your soul – when you commit to being true to yourself above all others and honoring yourself you will begin to make real progress out of anxiety and into well-being.

No one can jump from extreme anxiety into well-being in one step. It’s a journey of choosing one better-feeling thought over one that feels worse (and usually more self-critical) and then choosing another, and then choosing another. This is why people often immerse themselves with positive prayers, affirmations, readings, videos, meditations – etc. A total immersion helps create a shift faster.

But you must go at the speed which is comfortable for you.

You are not in a race. Your life is about exploring your own energy and your own possibilities in your own unique way.

I pray that God reaches into you and gives you a glimmer of His love for you and how much you are valued and needed. You are not a mistake, you are not faulty, you are not abnormal.

Do you know that Winston Churchill, Abraham Lincoln and Vincent Van Gogh would all be diagnosed as “abnormal” today? Yet, who can doubt their value as human beings?

You do not need to be famous to be valuable on this planet.

You just need to be true to your own energy and your own spirit.

Just discover your own energy and give yourself permission to live through it.

You’ll get there!

I send you much love.
Clyo

23 Clyo Beck { 10.04.12 at }

Dearest Sharon -

You must not give up on love. We come here to love – joyfully. So many people are “walking wounded.” Then they criticize themselves for not functioning better. Sweetie – give yourself a break. You’ve been hurt; this is hard for you. If at all possible, please seek out an EFT worker – preferably certified – to help you work through this. You are young, and you do not deserve to go around suffering. You have your whole life ahead of you. Heal the inner energetic blocks and patterns that brought this rejection and betrayal about, and you will find love again – and it will be a true and beautiful love that sustains you and validates who you are in the depths of your soul.

You can find a certified practitioner on one of these two sites:

http://www.aamet.org/search/search-aamet-members-test.html

http://www.eftuniverse.com/?option=com_profiles

If you are unsure, pray about it. Ask to be led. Expect to be led. And you will be.

I send you much love,
Clyo

24 Clyo Beck { 10.04.12 at }

Dear Albert,

I hope you can hear this: it is not “love” that is disabling you, but energetic disruptions in your energy body that is making you feel you cannot live without your girlfriend.

You need to take care of yourself. It sounds like you are in a very vulnerable place. Somehow you need to release the pain and shock in your nervous system. I’ve written a lot about the benefits of EFT in healing emotional and energetic wounds. Those disruptions and patterns must be healed.

If EFT or going to an energy healer is not an option for you, then begin immersing yourself in affirmative prayer. There are several on my website; you can also subscribe to my lessons and get a prayer download.

Every day ask God to fill you with healing energy. Do whatever you can to get your mind off the misery of losing your girlfriend and on to something else – anything else – that gives your mind some blessed relief. Begin exploring energy healing on line. It is possible to learn to be your own shaman. Allow yourself to be led to what you need to heal.

What you do not want to hear, I’m sure, is that you have to release the woman who left you. The thought that someone might tell you that may enrage you. If you feel enraged, find a safe way to vent it, and know that anger can be a powerful – and empowering – way out of depression and grief.

Here is the link to my Prayer For Recovery From Devastation. Please use it as a first step.

http://www.prayerforce.org/prayer-for-recovery-from-devastation.htm

May God bless and lift you up, Albert.

I send you much love.
Clyo

25 alexandra { 10.05.12 at }

hi all, i need help please, i am married since 5 years and my husband keep cheaten on me , the girl he has now is going on 4 the last 3 years the girl was at first in spain and moved last year to london so that she will be closer to him , well he father is a so called fudu man and does things she wants, like getting my husband , we fight a lot in the house because of the girl , when he went to nigeria lst year and when he returnd he told me that he broke up with the girl but he is still with her , even the family r not happy with it ,i been praying everyday , we r still living together and he told me that he loves me and am his wife but i will not take it for him to be with her , he dosent sleep out of his house but he keep telling me stories like he is working over time on sat. but the money dosent come and if the payslip comes he is taken it to work so that i cant see it , i do know where he went to but he keep telling me he is not with the girl anymore but i know for sure he is still with her , i dont understand why he keep doing what he is doing and there is no answer of my quetions , i still love him but i do not know what to do again ……can any one give me a prayer for him to open his eyes and retun to me ???

26 Devon { 10.07.12 at }

Thank you clyo…your insight was amazing..especially regarding being trapped in other people’s energy…thanks

27 Clyo Beck { 10.09.12 at }

Dear Alexandra,

There are so many issues here: trust, abandonment, being enough. Plus there are sexual power issues. I cannot address all of them. So I will address what I feel is most important for you to hear.

Here is the hard news I feel called to deliver:

There is no prayer you can say that will cause your husband to stop doing what he is doing. At least, not for the long term.

The reason for this is very, very hard to hear and may sound like some sort of accusation, but it isn’t, dear one. I pray that you will receive this news gently and with the love with which I am sending it.

At some time, in your past, you learned from someone that men – or husbands – cannot be trusted. You learned and took on an energy – and this is very much like the programs that run “in the background” on our computers – that attracted a man to you who would not be true to you.

He may love you. He may be conflicted. He may truly want to spend the rest of his life with you.

But, at least at this point in time, if what you are describing is correct and not imagined, then he is unable to be faithful to you.

Know this: You CANNOT change him. (You can, however, drive him away with your questions, mistrust and accusations.)

Why can you not change him through prayer? Because you have an energetic program of betrayal within you that will keep him the way he is. Worse, even if you leave him or he leaves you, it is highly likely that your next relationship would wind up the same.

The only solution is to go deep inside yourself – through prayer and healing energy work – to heal yourself of those programs that caused you to – inevitably – fall in love with a man who would fulfill the requirements set by the energy imprint within your own energy body, i.e. that he cheat on you and, thereby, betray and abandon you for someone else.

I strongly advise you to go deep within yourself through meditation and prayer for long stretches of time and ask God what is right for you to do, and how you can heal yourself of the energy/programs that have brought this situation about.

Stop focusing on your husband’s behavior. His behavior is only a symptom of the programming within you that you must heal in order to live a congruent and joyful life.

Focus on healing yourself. Keep your eyes open and look for what energetic healing modalities attract you.

I am an advocate of EFT, but no path is for everyone. Your path is unique. So treat yourself as though you matter and take care of yourself. Grow yourself. Grow your own soul by seeking out what calls to you and unpacking the layers of limiting programming that brought you – inevitably – to this situation.

When you heal yourself, one of the following will, likely, happen:

1) Your husband will abandon his girlfriend and recommit to you in a monogamous relationship or

2) You will realize you cannot go on living this way. You will realize you cannot tolerate being in a relationship in which you are being lied to, and you will feel compelled to leave your husband or, just as you come to that conclusion, he will announce that he is leaving.

Should you continue to focus on him, question him, and allow your fear of losing him to control you instead of working on healing what is in yourself that caused you to wind up in such a relationship, your husband may well decide that he prefers to be with the other woman. He may abandon you for her, or for some other woman.

Yet, if he does, know that that was really your preference as well, even if you could not admit it to yourself because you did not want to go through the agony of separating from someone you love.

Know this: You cannot change another person’s basic nature; you can only change yourself.

So you need to get really clear on what you prefer.

Is being with him more important to you than anything else? Then stop questioning him. Stop fighting with him. See if you can remember what it is you loved about him in the first place and focus on his good qualities. See if you can gain relief by being kind. Let him be who he is and pray to God to change you. Ask God to allow you to make peace with the way things are if that is at all possible for you to do, or to bring about something better for all concerned.

Do you absolutely feel – right now – that you are betraying yourself by remaining with him? Does part of you think that separation is inevitable? Then understand that you may be deliberately fighting with your husband to force him to leave you and that he may leave you at the worst time, leaving you devastated. If you want to leave, but you are afraid, ask God to guide you and show you a safe way out that is in the best interest of all.

Regardless, be aware that consequences will occur as a result of your healing yourself of the energy and programs that attracted a cheating man to you. While it’s possible he may stop cheating, it’s equally possible that the two of you will wind up separating.

What I’m saying, here, is that healing yourself is not a guarantee that your current relationship will be healed. It is only a guarantee that you can go forth into another relationship without the same old patterns surfacing.

Either way, right now, stop questioning him in ways that you know will start fights between the two of you. That is counterproductive and destructive. You will not get anything you want by fighting with him. Nothing that you want lies in that direction.

Instead realize that, as with so many people in this world, you have internal clearing work to do where relationships are concerned.

So many of us have absorbed other people’s energy and programs that lead to abandonment and loss of love.

I know of no way to skirt the inner work once you see these issues playing out in your life.

Face them. Stop focusing on your husband, his family, his girlfriend, or any of that. Instead, ask for guidance on how to heal these issues within you and follow the guidance.

You must heal what is in you that attracted all this.

Heal it in you and your life will change. No one will ever cheat on you or abandon you again. These issues will disappear from your life.

Know that God loves you and will never abandon you. You can always ask for help, in any moment, and God is there whispering to you through feelings, preferences, and thoughts.

When your feelings, preferences, and thoughts are aligned with love and relief and forgiveness – when they are aligned with loving, valuing, and cherishing yourself and others – you know they are coming from God.

When they are aligned with criticism, blame, jealousy, and revenge – or dislike of others or yourself – you know they are false and not from God.

Note that forgiving your husband does not mean you have to live with him and be lied to. Forgiveness means letting go of the hurt, anger, resentment and secret desires for revenge or punishment. It means getting to a place in which you are sincerely able to bless the woman who is luring your husband away, release her, and live an authentic life in joy.

There are two prayers that I recommend you begin using every day, as much as you can. Direct them, in your mind, toward both the woman and your husband. These prayers of intention have been known to produce miracles of healing over time:

I’m sorry. (for requiring you to behave this way toward me)
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.

May you be safe.
May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May your life be filled with ease.
May God bless you in every way.

It is vital that you bless anyone and everyone who you perceive as an enemy, including the woman in question.

The reason we are told to bless our enemies is because they come into our lives for a reason. They come to show us the fears and negative programs in ourselves. They give us opportunity to heal what requires healing within us so we can live fully empowered and joyful lives. We reach enlightenment when we stop just mouthing words of forgiveness, but actually find ourselves feeling grateful to those who have caused our inner programs to be so painfully triggered.

It is then that we realize that these people were blessings to us – enabling us to see what needed to be healed – and that blessing them is the only appropriate response for such a service.

Note that this “other woman” is in your sphere for a reason. She is, no doubt, testing your own ideas about how lovable you are. She is giving you an opportunity to heal yourself of those ideas, beliefs, and programs embedded within you that say you are “not enough.” These programs cause you to be less of yourself, less loving, less expansive, and cause you to judge others, judge yourself, and keep you in competition with others (a competition that the programs themselves assure you will, inevitably, lose.)

When you know you are entirely lovable and feel secure in your own self as a person – and as a woman – you will never have these problems that you describe. You will so respect and cherish your own uniqueness – your own irreplaceable self – that you will know that one who is truly meant for you could not even contemplate being with some other woman while being in relationship with you, because you will know you are absolutely ENOUGH. A man does not need another woman “on the side” when in relationship with you.

You will then attract a man who would not ever think of cheating on you. Or, your husband will see you with new eyes and wonder what on earth he was thinking to risk his marriage and risk losing you.

In summary –

1) Bless all others concerned and keep blessing them with the two prayers above.

2) Ask God for guidance in every moment.

3) When you find yourself feeling unhappy and unloving, ask: “How can I feel better?” Ask: “How does it get any better than this?” Reach for a better thought or re-frame of what you are thinking, one that gives you relief such as, “God loves me,” or “I am lovable” or “All will be well.”

4) When faced with a decision – whether what words to utter or action to take – ask “What is the most loving thing I can do for myself and others here?” Listen and follow. If you don’t seem to hear or feel loving guidance, reach for a thought like, “I’ll know what to do when the time is right,” or “I don’t have to say (or do) anything right now. I’ll know and say (or do) the right thing when I need to. Until then, I’ll just rest easy in God’s love.”

5) Ask to be led to what will heal you of the inner programming that is attracting things to you that are hurting you. Again, if you do feel any lead initially, just affirm that you will know what you need when you see it.

6) Make loving and valuing yourself your first priority.

7) Follow your guidance immediately, without hesitation, because it is given to you to lead you to the best result possible.

Remember: Guidance that you follow must give you a sense of optimism, lightness, hope, or even joy. If nothing else, it should give you a feeling of relief from whatever thought you were thinking previously. A rule of thumb is “If it feels light, it’s right.” If it feels heavy or sad or like you “should” do it but you do not really want to, it’s not guidance.

Most guidance comes in as a quick impulse. You have a quick feeling you’d like to explore something or do something. Do not analyze it away. Follow it and follow up.

Examples of guidance:

You feel heavy or afraid and feel an quick need to light a candle and say a prayer. Even the idea makes you feel better. So stop and do it.

You feel an impulse to go to a counselor. You feel optimistic at the thought, like maybe it might help. You look for one; nothing feels right. Then you meet a counselor or see an ad or find a card for a counselor, or someone mentions having gone to a counselor and you feel a little hopeful lift. Okay, that’s guidance. Stop, get the name and phone number, and make an appointment.

Same thing with energy healing, choosing a modality, etc. If you are attracted and just the idea makes you feel better in some way, then act on it. Love yourself enough to invest time and money in yourself.

God will take you where you want to go – to all the good that awaits you – when you get in touch with your guidance, begin learning to recognize it, and follow it without fail.

This journey is about birthing your soul. Make that your goal and you cannot go wrong.

I send you much love,
Clyo

28 Clyo Beck { 10.09.12 at }

You are so welcome, Devon!

29 alexandra { 10.10.12 at }

hi clyo beck , wow thank you so much for your words you send back to me, though i am a bit confused about “me been the cause for all of my problems ” but i think you where right about it i will try my best and see if i can change it to my best to make things happening , thank you so much and i will stay in touch with you , my god bless you

30 Clyo Beck { 10.10.12 at }

Dear Alexandra,

After all those words I wrote, I’m adding more! I feel I should add a clarification. It is not “you” that is the cause of the problems you are experiencing..

I really want to make it clear – if I didn’t before – that there is no blame involved. It’s not like you chose the type of internal programming that I talked about. It’s not like you knew this would happen or things would unfold as they have and you did it deliberately.

None of us decide to take on programs or energy that creates problems for us. We are, instead, blindsided by the beliefs and behaviors we absorbed as kids just by being around other people.

Yet it’s not just behavior we learn and unconsciously mimic. It’s not just beliefs that we take in as kids without question because we are not able to question them until we mature. We actually absorb information in energetic form because everything is energy, including us. We can even absorb the energy of other people’s traumas.

Consider that, even if you had a great family, everyone has losses, grief, etc. Those sad experiences are seldom fully grieved or healed.

The result is that residual emotional energy never leaves and simply settles in the body as energetic information. A child can pick up on that grief and have no context for it, but associate it with something totally unrelated. The child may even have a feeling that he or she is to blame for that sadness, or for “making mommy sad.” The child may then grow up with a subconscious belief that she is, somehow, bad or broken or responsible for other’s feelings.

A person often has no idea what beliefs his or her inner child has until beginning to clear them. Then it’s a revelation. Then a lot of things start making sense in regard to why life has gone the way it has and why we do – or cannot do – certain things. Let me try to give a concrete example of “programming.”

Let’s say that a girl grew up in a family where she never saw a happy, healthy marriage. Let’s say all couples seemed distant or argued – uncles, aunts, her parents – everyone she knew. She might come to the conclusion – as a child – that all marriages are miserable, lonely and full of arguments. She might make a subconscious decision, as a child, that she was never going to get married because it looked so unhappy. Or, she might accept it as the absolute truth that, if she marries, her marriage will be unhappy. That night even act as a vow.

Example of a vow: Since she loves her parents, and they were unhappily married, her subconscious child-logic might conclude that she could never have a happy marriage herself because it would make them wrong or stupid or mean for not being able to have a happy marriage themselves. Since she loves her parents, she would never do anything to make them appear wrong or stupid or mean, so she cannot allow herself to have what they did not.

Fast forward twenty years or so. Those beliefs remain in the girl who is now a woman. She may fear getting married so much that she refuses a proposal from a man she really loves who would be a great life partner. Or, if she marries, she may be blind to cues (that her friends can clearly see) that the marriage will have problems.

It might be easy, from the outside, to judge her as being foolish. In one case people might say: “Why didn’t she marry that guy? She loved him, but wouldn’t marry him and he found someone else.” In the other case people might say, “How could she be such an idiot and marry that guy? Anyone could see he was trouble.”

Yet the truth would be that a subconscious belief that her relationship will turn sour – and must turn sour – once she marries would be running her decisions without her conscious knowledge.

This is why judging others is less than useless. We do not know the internal forces at work within others which influence them and cause them to do what they do. In fact, until recently, we could only guess about our own motivations.

An easy analogy can be made between the human subconscious and a computer. You know how the programs on your computer display, but most of us do not know much about what is making those programs run. We did not write the software. There are many programs running in the background and we are totally unaware of them. They were installed by other people. Most are okay, but what happens when a program is installed that overrides what you are doing, as in when a virus hits your computer? Things go awry.

The good news is that, today, we have methods of uncovering and clearing emotions, energies, and subconscious beliefs that once could control us without our ever knowing it.

So it’s a wonderful world we’re living in.

God bless you, Alexandra.

31 Tamara { 10.14.12 at }

I was dating a guy for about 4 months and was really looking forward for the relationship to blossom into something to big because I falling in love with him. He however had different plans, leaved me and had a new gf. We still continue seeing each other because it is so difficult for me to forget about him.this is a year later and I would really like to have him back for myself, I really do love him and hurts so much even to think about or see him with her. From about a week ago I started praying and communicating with God about my situation hoping and believing he will bring me through and deliver me from my pain. Am I wrong for wanting him back..he is a very nice guy who I think will make a great father and husband someday.

32 Clyo Beck { 10.15.12 at }

Sweetie – you are not “wrong” – but it sounds like you are hurting yourself and blocking any possibility of meeting a man who will love you.

My question – sorry I just have to ask even though it may upset or anger you – is he really that “nice” a guy if he is seeing another woman and (it sounds like) still stringing you along?

He doesn’t sound all that “nice” to me.

Instead of asking God to bring this guy back to you, affirm that you meet someone you love as much or more who ALSO loves you and is perfect for you, loyal to you, and with whom you can have a happy life.

The reason you met this guy – I suspect – is to give you a taste of what’s possible. He was just a stepping stone. You deserve better.

Yet he has done you a great service. He has shown you that you have inner programs that need to be cleared before you can enter into a relationship in which you will feel loved and happy. If I had to guess, I would speculate that at least two of your inner, subconscious programs are 1) to be abandoned and and never get the love you want and 2) to nurture unrequited love.

There is a scriptural passage that tells us not to throw our pearls before swine. Yet, when we hang around and wait for people who do not value us, that is what we are doing.

Most of us try to get love from people incapable of giving it to us because we are trying to heal something from childhood. Often we do not even remember what the incident was.

I recommend seeking out a qualified Emotional Freedom Technique professional and using EFT to get to the root of what’s compelling you to seek out someone and hang on to someone who has shown you you are never going to get the love you want from him.

Clear that and you will open yourself to meeting a man who see you as the loving gem you are.

You deserve to be happy and you can be happy, but not as long as you continue on this path. Make a clean break, find an EFT practitioner, and start moving in a new group – take a class or join a club – and get your mind off him. If you have to struggle upstream to get him, then nothing you want is in his direction.

I send you much love.

33 Devon { 10.30.12 at }

Hi clyo,

Do you have personal contact details like an email? Wanted to ask you something in private.

34 Sad and lonely { 11.13.12 at }

Hi Clyo,
I have read through all your wonderful messages and my story is like many others.. I was with someone for so long and from one moment to the next he told me there was no love left. I was his back bone as he was mine.. time has passed and we have tried to give it a go, but he still can’t find it in his heart to love me… I know that I am a good person.. and in a relationship I devote myself solely to that person, never once do I wonder off and there have been moments where we see each other and its perfect and then there are times where he is just very cold with me and I know for a fact that I have not done anything wrong… I still have many feelings for this person and want to be with him again… I pray and hope that this is meant for me… but I just wish he could see the best part of me and not go for someone who can not give him a fourth of what I have in years… Any advice???
Thanks

35 Jessica { 11.13.12 at }

Hi clyo,

Im reading all of these stories and I want to share mine, I was Skeptical on sharing my situation, Im to the point were Iam very confused and I read the bible on a regualr basis yet I find no light to my affairs in the relationship troubles I am having..Here it goes I’ve been in a relationship for 4 years and we have a 2 1/2 year old son
my ex partner has been in and out of drugs and cheating and its been a battle we part ways for months and reunite. As we part he seem to get better and better he comes back with a lot of happiness and love and is so happy he says he loves me and we complete eachother and wants to marry me however there is another female that keeps pulling him away from his family and has made him choose between his son and her. I have accepted us being a part but the crazy thing is that he says he does not love her she is not right for him and he is not getting ahead inlife but yet she has some control over him that she keeps pulling him away and sucking him in to a darkside and he can not seem to get out of the whole he now seems depressed and has turned into a very angry person. His family does not like the girl and the girl has also left her child to chase after him and she her self has told his family she gets treated mean and dont love him but will not let him be with his family and son. I was told he has witch craft on him shes putting his family has asked me to assist in prayer and to hold on to hope faith and my love for him ..DO you see a possiblity for our family or shall I give up ??? please help !!! I pray to our LORD but at times I weaken and want to give up completely….

36 Lauren { 11.14.12 at }

I dated a guy for 3 months, he honestly seemed perfect for me. I told him everything. I trusted him more than anyone.The same goes for him. Then one day he told me that he hopes we can still be friends but he wants to end it because he has started to like someone else. It has been 3 months ever sense it ended. And I still can not get my mind off of him. I still love him so much. I dont know what to do. I don’t want to stop loving him. But my heart hurts so bad.

37 Jessica { 11.14.12 at }

Hello Cylo,

I worte here yesterday but I do not see it. I am in need of a lot of help with my current situation with my love relastionship with my sons father my Ex. We have been off and on for 4 years now and we have a 2 1/2 year old child he had been struggling with a very bad drug addiction and over came it, Now he has another girl in the picture who seems to be taking control of his mind and sucking him into the darkside, She has told his family she does not love him and is tired of being with him cause he treats her cruel, its believed she has used witch craft to trap him and keep him from me and his family and children, He has turned into rage and has truned against us all except her..Its confusing to me cause when he is with me he wants to better him self and get out of his dark whole and succeed in life and me a family and have more children then she starts to call and text and she pulls him in. Now his family has been calling me and asking to assit infasting and prayer we have been into the bible for a long time and we are trying to Get GOD to assit but I myself and confused as to pray for us to be a family again or if I should give up. I love him with all my heart even if he has said lots of hurtful things to me its the actions not the words he speaks. For we have a child adn we should not just toss a relationship away or recycle but what if he is not ment for me. PLEASE HELP ME WITH ADVISE ON THIS.

38 Monique { 11.16.12 at }

I’m praying to GOD that I’ll hear from my boyfriend Anthony soon I haven’t heard from him since Monday he had texted me and I haven’t talk to him on the phone for a while he had been so busy with his jobs he has 2 jobs I miss him so much I have try to call him now his phone his off I’m getting more worry because I don’t know if his phone is out of service or his number has been changed so I’m praying to GOD that he’s ok and praying that I’ll hear from him soon

39 Clyo Beck { 11.16.12 at }

Baby girl, the question I have to ask you is this: Do you see the best part of you?

Consciously, you may say, “Yes! Of course I do. How can you even ask after reading my post?” Yet, there may be a subconscious part of you that does not see the best in you, that does not see your value, and this man is mirroring that part of you back to you. This is actually a good thing, even though it feels terrible, because what you see you can heal so it never affects you again.

The thing is, God is energy and you are part of Him. Therefore, you are an energy being, and you have an energy body. That energy steps down when you are on this planet and becomes manifest as your physical body. But that energy body is still there. Think of the physical body like a shell around the energy body.

Because your physical body is denser than your energy body, it has absorbed every experience you have ever had – energetically. Painful and confusing energies don’t necessarily pass through the physical body. When they do, they pass through as emotion. Yet we are a species and a culture that works hard to control and suppress our emotions. Kids are told: “Don’t cry.” We get very good at not letting the energy of negative, confusing experiences pass through us because it can be frightening, we are afraid of “losing control” and we don’t know how to handle our emotions safely. As a result, these experiences and repressed emotions get stuck as energy disruptions in the body.

Now, if you were ever told that you are lacking, less, deficient or – in some way – unlovable, then an imprint of that energy information is in you. Likewise, if you experienced rocky relationships while growing up, you probably have an energy pattern in you that matches what you were exposed to.

Think back – not just to your parents, but to memories and stories about your grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins – even family friends – and see if any feelings come up about their relationships. Was there unrequited love? Was there, for instance, an aunt who devoted herself to an uncle who treated her like dirt? If so, that pattern was planted in you, and now you are living it out.

I don’t want to project my experience on you, but this is what can happen. I had a very good looking uncle who was a real jerk. He was a total chauvinist. His wife did everything for him. Devoted her life to making him happy. He left her, after decades of her devotion, for another woman when I was about twelve.

Fast forward two decades. I met a man. Devoted my life to him. Loved him unlike anyone; thought we would be married “forever.” When he wanted a divorce, I was devastated. I thought, “How can you do this after all I’ve done for you?” Two years later, I was looking through old photos of me as a baby. One was with my uncle. My jaw dropped. He looked just like my ex-husband or, rather, my ex-husband bore a remarkable resemblance to him.

So what was I doing in that relationship with my husband? I was trying to get love from my husband that I could not get from my jerk uncle who scorned me – as a girl – just as he scorned all females. I was trying to heal my relationship with my uncle – who I really hated because he had humiliated and scorned me – by attracting and loving this man who had such similarity to him, including an inability to recognize my value.

We don’t see these patterns when we are in the midst of the drama. God knows we are not taught to look at our problems from an energy perspective, at least not yet. And, again, I don’t know what your pattern is or what thing from the past you are trying to heal by trying to get love from a man who will not give it to you, or at least not for a lifetime.

All I can tell you is that there is something deeper here going on, something difficult to perceive. It’s in your energy; it’s not in your conscious mind. You are not doing this deliberately, so there is no shame, no blame, and should you suddenly receive an insight about what it is, I implore you to resist self-recrimination for not seeing it earlier. That would be self-abuse. You don’t deserve that.

If you can bring yourself to find a certified EFT practitioner and work with that person to clear whatever this pattern is, you can be free of it. It’s even possible that the man you love will come back, since you have such a long history together. From a spiritual perspective, he may be part of the big picture and nudging you to be uncomfortable enough to find a way to clear the pattern.

He may even have his own pattern, learned from childhood, which compels him to withdraw his love.

Funny thing is, when you heal yourself, the others around you tend to heal too. Your energies no longer conflict and the drama dissolves. Yet, do not worry about healing him. That’s his work. Do not heal to heal him, heal yourself so you experience relief and happiness instead of such strain and sadness.

So surrender to God. Surrender to healing. Don’t tell God what to do. Don’t ask for God to bring this man back to you. Just ask to be led to your healing. If you are led to EFT, great. If you are attracted to some other modality, go that way. If you feel like all you want to do is pray, then pray. If you want to sleep, sleep. If you want to swim, swim. Follow your body’s needs for rest and physical activity, because it is your body that bears the brunt of carrying and then releasing these painful energies. Take extra special care of it, for it is your friend, and it is carrying your energetic burdens.

Once you surrender to God to be healed of this pattern, you must follow your guidance. You must follow those subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) prompts you get to do something. Always go with what feels lighter, more joyful, less miserable. If prayer lifts you, pray a lot until you get some other impulse.

God does not mean for you to be miserable or to “throw your pearls before swine” by loving someone who cannot love back, no matter how good or sincere or honest a person he is.

Heal yourself and, even if you are not with him, you can be happy for him and bless him and feel no pain when you think of him.

I hope this gives you some comfort and direction.

I send you much love,
Clyo

40 Clyo Beck { 11.16.12 at }

Dearest Jessica,

Please take a look at comment #36 which is my very long reply to “Baby Girl,” because it will help you understand what’s going on.

Then take a deep breath, and surrender to God. Ask God to speak to you, and tell you what is right for you and your son.

I would never advise you to take your son away from his father unless there was severe physical abuse going on, and it doesn’t sound like that is an issue. The issue here seems to be one of abandonment.

My sense is that your partner WANTS to do the right thing, but the drugs take his Higher Self out of the equation and put him in a place where he is operating from almost an automatic, programmed need to sabotage himself.

He is really not himself when he takes drugs, and he is addicted.

My sense is that he needs your compassion and understanding. What I advise is that you read and follow my advice to Baby Girl, seek out an energy practitioner (my strong preference is for a person certified in Emotional Freedom Technique since I have experienced miracles with it myself) and heal the energetic patterns in you that feed this drama. It’s not that you do it deliberately, no. You do not even know this happening, just as most people do not know that the subconscious patterns in their energy fields are what create the chaos in their lives.

You don’t need to understand it to do something about it. All you need is a skilled practitioner. Heal yourself of these energy patterns and a bunch of things will happen.

You will feel calmer and see things more objectively.
You will stop being so hurt and dismayed by what’s going on.
You will be able to better recognize your spiritual guidance, and what your Higher Self and God are urging you to do.
You will get clear on what is best for you and best for your child.

Love is the greatest power there is. Heal yourself of these energetic patterns and then ask God to help you send as much love to your partner as possible. It’s possible that, as you raise your own vibration, his will follow and his need for his addiction and self-sabotage will fall away. Witchcraft cannot compare to the power of God’s love. It’s like saying that the shadow cast by an umbrella can compete with the power of the sun. The shadow has no power in itself, it is merely an absence of light. So is it with witchcraft. No matter what it looks like, or how people try to scare you, it has no real power. What gives it any power at all is fear of it.

You are very brave for trying to figure this out and love in spite of all the chaos. I applaud you. Pray, do the energy work, follow your guidance, and you will get to a place of peace and wisdom. Your son is lucky to have you as his mother. I will pray for you, your son and your partner.

I also ask that anyone reading this pause, put a hand over your heart, and imagine the love from your heart going directly to Jessica and her partner. Envision her partner being lifted out of addiction and chaos to a higher vibration. There is no space or time in God, and there is great power when we send this kind of love energy to others. It has a real effect. So thank you and God bless you.

I send you much love,
Clyo

41 Clyo Beck { 11.16.12 at }

Hi Jessica -

Sorry for the delay. I know how hard it is to wait when you are in pain and confusion and need help in the moment. I just posted an answer in reply to your previous comment.

God bless you,
Clyo

42 Clyo Beck { 11.16.12 at }

Dear Lauren,

The one spiritual law that you must obey is this: be true to yourself. That means you must be a friend to yourself. You are not to do things that hurt you or keep you in pain. And you are to seek a joyful, healthy way out of pain when you find yourself plunged by life events into it.

The question here is this: would you prefer to feel good, or would you prefer to feel bad?

If you would prefer to feel good, then it will be necessary for you to let go of your pain, attachment, and longing for this man. How you do that is really up to you. I have found that EFT is incredibly effective in clearing trauma, grief, and anger. So my answer, as you will see when you look through my answers here, is to find a certified EFT practitioner and invest in two or three sessions to clear the pain and grief out.

As a person who relied strictly on meditation and prayer for relief for years, I can tell you that, for most people, the function of meditation and prayer is not to receive a miracle of healing directly, but to be guided in a process that brings about healing. That process may just consist of prayer. But having gone through my own devastating losses, I can tell you – without question – that EFT gives the most immediate relief I know.

EFT is not a replacement for prayer. Far from it. But, just as you would not pray for your bones to magically reset themselves in the proper configuration after breaking a leg and expect an immediate healing, so is it with matters of the heart.

Certainly pray for guidance, and to be led to what will heal you. Just as you would pray (while waiting for an ambulance) that you will be taken to the right and perfect hospital where your broken leg will be set perfectly, and without delay by a compassionate doctor, so should you pray to be guided to the right and perfect energy worker, one who will facilitate a quick healing of your heart and emotional body.

Prayer and EFT work together brilliantly. One does not exclude the other. Rather, they work in tandem. And the best result comes, always, when you pray first.

After you do the energy work needed, bless and pray for the person who has hurt you. Ask God to bring every good thing to him. Then turn your attentions to imagining, visualizing, and affirming that the one who will love you truest and best comes to you.

It’s hard to love again after being hurt. So take time, every day, to pray in your perfect partner.

You deserve to be happy, and that’s what God wants for you.

If you want drama and storms, you can have it, if that is your choice. But know that that is not God’s will, but your will. God’s will for you is perfect peace, however imperfectly it may manifest, from time to time, given the challenges of living on Earth in these physical bodies that are so subject to hormones, adrenaline, injury, and pain.

My heart goes out to you. We have all been in that sad, sad place of pain. I pray that you will find the strength to do what it takes to lift yourself out of it as soon as possible, not just so you feel better but because the world needs your joy.

I send you much love,
Clyo

43 Paul E. { 11.25.12 at }

I am in a new relationship with a Ukrainian woman who lives in Turkey. We’ve been seeing one another for more than 5 months. She’s been to the US twice and I’ve been to Turkey twice. Each time it has been getting deeper and stronger.

Our relationship feels like it is a gift from G-d. I have never met a woman like her. And I never felt that G-d would play a role in delivering love. But here I am – feeling this way.

The love between us is effusive and hase been powerful. It has been a dream come true…or so it seems. She tells me she never let anyone into her heart like this, ever. I feel as if I tapped into a part of her that is because of spiritual intervention. She is a very logical person and while she has begun to allow her heart to feel, logic still prevails.

She is a ‘classical woman, one who is old fashioned and expects a man to take care of her. I have done the best I can based on my income even though we aren’t married. I pay for all of her trip expenses, and recently brought her together with her daughter at my expense.

She has wanted certain material things and while I am glad to oblige, I started talking about the future and “finances.” This becomes a problem for her, she has her ideas and because of the slight English communications issues, doesn’t quite grasp what I am saying and the way I am saying it. She takes it the wrong way as if I am insulting her.

My problem now is that while I love her dearly, and she loves me, she now feels she can’t see a future with me because after 5 months of bliss, she is rationalizing (her logical side) one evening’s misunderstanding as the basis for our future. She took it as my being angry, when I was being excitedly passionate about us.

After I read what I just wrote, I am asking myself if I am wasting time on this relationship; that it IS a sign. On the other hand I told her today that our love is being tested to determine if it is “true love.” If we can survive past this disagreement and/or misunderstanding then we have a chance.

I have never prayed to G-d about wanting divine intervention, but here I am seeking advice. I feel for this woman more than any other woman in my life. I want to do for her more than anyone I have done anything for. I think she has a problem in trusting men as her last relationship devastated her.

I pray that she begins to come back to the love, joy and happiness we share, and that she begins to have faith in me to do the right thing for and with her.

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

Paul

44 Clyo Beck { 11.27.12 at }

Dearest Paul,

You want to be happy, and you want to be loved and have someone to love in return, as we all do. This need is so great that we usually put on our “best behavior” when first involved because we do not want to lose the other person. Then, as we relax a little, it’s easy for the other person to think we have changed. In truth, we have simply shown more of who we are.

Also, in our quest for love, we often overlook warning signs that anyone outside of the relationship can see. The warning signs come from the deepest part of us, and they are about what we can live with, long term.

This rift, it seems to me, has arisen out of questions within you. I am not saying it is your fault or the misunderstanding is because of something you did or said. It arose quite naturally for you, to serve you and address your internal questions now, instead of later. Had this rift not occurred in this situation, it would have likely arisen over something else. Yet, only you can examine your heart and self to know if any of this resonates for you.

First, is there any fear in you that you will not be able to fully be yourself with this partner? Do you, perhaps, have a history of not being accepted as yourself? (Most of us do; there’s no shame in it.) Do you also perhaps fear, from seeing how she reacted, that this relationship that has looked so beautiful for so many months might turn into a bitter economic trap?

If a little feeling in your gut is making you, suddenly, feel as though it would be self-preservation to back away, listen to it. Entering into a marriage with doubts does not bode well. The doubts tend to be self-fulfilling prophesies. Also know that if she would not be happy with you, ultimately, you would not be happy with her. That having been said, do not simply write off the relationship this quickly. Instead, spend time “praying in” your perfect relationship every day. If this relationship is perfect for you, then all will smooth over and your doubts – and hers – will vanish.

Now, how to pray such a relationship in? Let me preface this by assuring you that G-d also wants you to be happy and to feel loved and loving. Surrender to G-d completely. Do not ask for this relationship to be saved, nor for it to end. Let go of the result. Trust that the best path will unfold.

Now, about how to pray. The most effective thing you can possibly do is create a prayer that describes how you want to feel inside this (or any other) romantic relationship.

You can, in fact, imagine yourself in relationship with this woman if it helps your experience of prayer to feel real. Do not focus on objective details such as “She understands me,” or “We have no money disagreements.” Instead, focus completely on feelings and gratitude. Here’s an example of the type of prayer to use. Yet, use your own words – the words that give you the greatest sense of ease in the relationship:

Dear G-d (All-That-Is, Creator, Beloved – use the name that makes you feel most adoring of G-d),

Thank you for my wonderful partner and my gloriously happy marriage.
This relationship feels so good. It’s easy to be one with her.
It’s easy to like what I see.
It’s easy to move through my day.
It’s easy to be who I am.
It’s easy to do my work and be appreciated.
It’s easy to give and receive in this relationship.
It feels comfortable to be in this relationship.
It feels secure.
It feels certain and secure and comfortable and easy.
This relationship feels real. It feels true. It feels honest.
It feels honest and deep.
It feels Soul and Source.
It feels core. It feels basic. It feels true.
It feels Divinely Ordained.
It feels real. It feels good. It feels easy.

This relationship feels soft and gentle and sure.
It feels comfortable. It feels like love. It feels like play.
It feels like perfect understanding.
It feels like deep appreciation for who I am.
It feels like being loved.
It feels like loving.
It feels like adoring.
It feels like being adored.

It feels like sureness. It feels like confidence. It feels like knowing.
It feels like being. It feels like me. It feels like home. It feels real.

This relationship feels certain.
It feels honest and open and true.

I feel I can grow in this relationship.
It feels like I am growing more into myself.
It feels like I am growing truer to myself.
It feels like I am growing closer and truer to You.

This relationship feels expansive.
It feels delicious. It feels fun. It feels exciting.
It feels sexy. It feels captivating. It feels enticing.
It feels passionate. It feels vital. It feels alive.
It feels full. It feels real. It feels like me.

I know these feelings are what You want for me, and I am so grateful.

I turn the direction of my life over to You.
I know that things are always working out for me.
You joyously deliver what I want and so much more.
I know that You are always guiding me toward joy.

I thank You for bringing me the great happiness I have experienced.
I trust this is just a taste of what is to come.

I feel invincible and able to take care of my Beloved.

Taking care of my Beloved is (fill in what makes you feel good) magnanimous.
Taking care of my Beloved is joy.
Taking care of my Beloved is my passion.
Taking care of my Beloved is my privilege.
It’s purpose. It’s passion. It’s meaning and richness.

Taking care of my Beloved feels expansive.
Taking care of my Beloved feels basic and true.
Taking care of my Beloved feels like fun.
Taking care of my Beloved feels like me.
Taking care of my Beloved feels like the truest love.
Taking care of my Beloved feels like You are working through me.

Talking with my Beloved feels amazing.
It feels true.
It feels like peace.
It feels easy.
It feels honest.
It feels at home.
It feels solid.
It feels beautiful.

I am so grateful that my marriage feels like heaven.

Thank You, God.
And so it is.
Amen

Use this prayer every day, as it is if it feels totally right, or change it so every statement fills your body with a sense of ease and relaxation as it fills your heart with peace and surrender. There should be no feeling of “striving” in any of the statements, but a feeling of fulfillment and completion. Just sit, get quiet, and have this little prayer conversation with G-d. Do not beg or worry or direct or speculate. You are simply feeling. As you feel the qualities that you really want you are aligning yourself with what God wants for you. You are making His work easier by aligning your body and conscious mind with your good.

Say the prayer every day for 40 days. When you think of this woman, or of being in a relationship, turn your mind to these feeling statements. Avoid worry or evaluation.

When you are fully aligned with God you will know precisely what you want and what to do. All doubts will disappear. The woman in question, if she is right for you, will come back to you with greater understanding and trust in who you are, you will welcome her unreservedly, and your marriage will be a happy one.

I send you much love, Paul. You are so wise to turn this over to God. I thank you for daring to trust, daring to turn it over. And I am deeply grateful to you for posting on my site and giving me the opportunity to share my humble thoughts with you.

I send you much love,
Clyo

45 ramesh { 12.10.12 at }

i loved one girl for 4 years and we married in civil after that she started getting proposal at her home so i told her tell ur parents that we are married from that day they hide her made her completely changed now they filed for divorce and she completely forgot me ……..help me father…….

46 Devon { 12.11.12 at }

Hi clyo,

What was the one moment in your life that made you believe 100% that god exists?

Was it something that you felt? Or a number if different things?

I just bought your kindle prayerforce.:)

47 Clyo Beck { 12.14.12 at }

Hi Devon –

I came to believe in God 100% through my life journey. Started out as an unbeliever, as you will read in my book. In fact, to be frank, I was not just an agnostic – someone who isn’t sure God exists, but is open to the possibility – I was an atheist and very comfortable being one. Yet, wanting to understand cause and effect and what was really going on in life – why things happen as they do – I was very interested in knowing the truth. So while I was not wedded to my philosophy of life, I still had to be convinced before I would switch to another, and that’s what happened. Discovering God exists was like putting together a puzzle and not knowing that’s what I was doing. The pieces came to my attention and, as more appeared, I noticed they fit together. Eventually – over decades – they created an undeniable picture. To be brief, real-life experiences and observations – along with revelatory dreams – built my belief. Yet it is the experience of feeling what I believe is the energy and love of God during my meditations that took me to absolute belief. It took me a long time to develop a meditation practice. I resisted for years. Yet now I can sit down and in a few minutes feel a loving and soothing energy much greater than my own.

It is a fact that you cannot convince anyone else that God exists. There will always be some doubt in a person until he or she has a revelatory experience (or two or three ;-) ) – that is so strong and persuasive that everything comes together and, suddenly, one understands. Each of us is on a different life journey; so each of us will discover that God exists in our own good time. Some will not discover it until on the death bed, and that’s okay, especially if they have had happy lives anyway. The fact is that God wants us to be joyful more than He wants our acknowledgment. (Heresy, I know. ;-) ). So a good, well-meaning person – who is kind to others and tries to be the best person he or she can be – can be living “in the flow of God” even if that person professes to be a non-believer. Actions are always louder than words. Actually being kind to strangers is far different than intellectually endorsing compassion, praising kindness or professing belief in God. I think what I’m trying to say is, if you do not have 100% rock solid faith, don’t worry about it. There’s nothing wrong with you. That’s normal. If you want a stronger faith, ask God to give you experiences that viscerally convince you, for we are human and usually have to be convinced “in the gut” – and in the heart – that something is true before we will embrace it 100%.

Anyway, thanks for your question. Hope this answers it sufficiently. Have thought many times of writing down “the breadcrumbs” – my little stories (and there are about twelve of them) – of how I got to where I am now, from being an atheist to being someone who has a prayer website and writes books in which I quote scripture. If you had told me thirty years ago that I would be doing this now, I would have said that you were joking or delusional – and that it would never happen in a million years. Turns out the joke’s on me. ;-)

Thanks so much for buying my book, Devon. Hope you enjoy it and it helps you in your spiritual goals.

I send you much love -
Clyo

48 Devon { 12.19.12 at }

Thanks for your explanation clyo..that was wonderful.

I suppose when you go through life you realize that there is a deeper purpose behind things. Things actually happen for a reason rather that from random accidents, lessons are learnt with painful or joyful experiences, if they wrest lessons then while wise would they occur the way they do?

If the universe was just one big accident, then there would be no deeper lessons to be learnt, everything would be meaningless random accidents, but it definitely doesn’t feel like that at all. Especially when it comes to personal relationships between friends, family and others. It’s almost like you can feel god in them when they speak to you, on the outside you see a face and skin talking to you but an energy comes from within that emanates from them, it’s not describable but everyone takes it for granted as they are use to it, I find it fascinating and amazing.

What type of mediation do you do? And what does it consist of?

49 Clyo Beck { 12.19.12 at }

Hi Devon –

I’m glad my explanation helped. I also love what you wrote, and know what you mean about energy coming off people. It’s so great you can see that.

Definitely there is cause – and a reason – behind everything that happens. Nothing is random, even if it seems so at the time.

My main meditation technique is TM. I focus on a specific mantra and return to it any time my mind starts thinking a thought. I sit quietly, with my eyes closed, take a deep breath, and think my mantra. I let it go and allow my mind to be blank for as long as it will. When some thought or idea starts up, I think lightly on the mantra again – and so on, until the time is up. I do not set a timer unless I am really crunched for time and only have fifteen minutes or so before I have to leave home. I have meditated in public spaces, including in airports. Anytime a person needs to relax and center is a great time for meditation – even five minutes can be beneficial.

Years ago I tried staring at a candle. That’s didn’t work for me at all. It wasn’t until I was trained in TM that I was able to start – and keep up – a daily meditation practice. (Today, however, after training my mind to get quiet over several years, I can do that and it’s pleasant.)

I have meditated for up to two hours at a time. In fact, I had a period of time when I was able to meditate for about two hours every morning. That was the best period in my life because I was the most connected to Source. I had revelatory dreams in which something would happen in my waking life that mirrored what had happened in the dream state. I took this as “proof” (and it sure felt like proof) that the dream had been “real” and the message received (along side this other action that later occurred in real life) had really come from Source and wasn’t just me imagining things. I have to say that that period is when I became absolutely rock-solid in my belief and faith in God because I was so connected.

These days my meditation time is about twenty minutes at a time. It’s like breathing fresh air. I tend to crave it and really feel the difference when life gets hectic and I skip it. If there is anything that I can get away with skipping, it isn’t meditation.

Really, any type of meditation that works for you – that relaxes your mind and body and makes you feel better – that’s what to use. There are lots of mantras to use, but the most common is OM. An ancient word for God – All That Is – it has real power. Sometimes I alternate between using it and the mantra I was given through TM.

I send you much love, Devon
Clyo

50 Ria { 12.22.12 at }

Hi clyo

Your advice would be much appreciated. I have been dating this guy for the last 2 to 3 months and initially I wasn’t 100% sure about him – especially since he wasn’t my ‘type’ etc. But I can honestly say he is the most amazing guy i have ever met. I cant believe my luck. He came when i absolutely least expected it and i feel like hes truly a gift from god. Things were great, I met his friends and family, he met mine and his friends would tell me how much he talked about me and how happy i made him. It was so overwhelming and weird for me, as I wasn’t used to being treated so nicely like that. In fact, I felt increasingly vulnerable as my feelings grew for him.. there were moments where i was suddenly quiet or shy around him and i dont know why. Regardless, all in all, It was amazing.

Then things changed. He became a quite distant and when i asked him if everything was fine, he explained he lost his job that he worked incredibly hard to get, and had to go back to a cleaning job that he really didn’t want to do. He explained that he felt upset and depressed. So i encouraged him and suggested we meet to help get his mind off things for a bit. Since then, he became even more distant. Its like seeing him pushed him even further. Instead of nagging him, I gave him some space and messaged him every now and then to check up on him, which initially he received well. But now he is quite rude in his replies which is very out of character, and he remains distant.

Now I know the simple answer to this would be that he is depressed and needs time alone, but I have reason to believe this might not be the case, and I am having an extremely hard time coping with it. I have never been in love before, so I guess I don’t really know if I am with him. However, I have found myself crying bitterly (something i never do) almost every night since his detachment and wondering if he really needs time alone, or if he has found someone else and it’s killing me. The sadness i feel anytime i think of him and how we don’t communicate anymore is indescribable. I miss him so much. These feelings are extremely foreign to me as i have never felt this way about someone. I’ve never felt so sad about the thought of loosing someone and i have never prayed so hard to see the truth (if he is genuine or if he has met someone else) I feel silly for feeling like this but i cant help it. I keep asking myself questions. Has he gone back to his ex? Maybe he doesn’t like me anymore and saying he’s busy is a nice way of letting me down? Maybe he genuinely has a lot going on?

If these feelings of hurt are anything to go by, then perhaps I am in love with him. With Christmas approaching, I’m finding it incredibly hard to cope with this clyo. My questions are, what can I do to help myself cope with this situation? Are there any prayers i can say to make this any easier? I can’t pray for him to love me, but if I’m honest, that is what I really want. Maybe he does love me (it seemed like he did) and he just needs time alone. I’m so confused. God has come through for me on SO many occasions… but because of past mistakes i have made in my life, I’m beginning to question if the lord really has forgiven me and if this is all karma. I have not been in a relationship for 8 years and I am a young woman. So I feel very low and almost depressed that i could be loosing this perfect guy. Please advise me clyo on what I can I do to help me cope with this.

Thank you so much and god bless.

51 Gail { 12.23.12 at }

My situation is this…..Him and I connected in so many ways….our like and dislikes….our idea of marriage and commitment, faithfulness. Even our romantic talks and ideas were alike with each other. We connected spiritually in deep ways and the physical attraction was definitely there. He chose me over even more beautiful women than myself, women who had more money etc…he chose me over them ! We were so much in love with each other. Now I grew up in a home with an alcoholic mother and abusive father. My mother used to call me dumb, stupid, retarded as a child and young adult. I always felt dumb and unlovable. I also had bad past relationships and was cheated on and told I was ugly and other women were better than me etc… my man had some past relationships also that were no so good. One partner cheated on him…another always complained and said mean things to him etc… Him and I felt so loved by each other and were so happy and excited we found each other….we talked seriously of marriage. Never in my life have a met any man who loved talking about wedding planning with me…he was even interested in my dress ideas etc…. But knowing that even being a Christian….the devil can attack some of us and harass us. The devil would not leave me alone as he saw I was happy for once in my life! I had someone who loved me!

The devil at first subtly put things into my mind that (I was dumb, ugly and how could this man truly love someone like me?) ….I tried pushing it aside and ignoring it…but the devil just harassed me even more! He put doubts into my mind and made me feel insecure. These doubts crept into my relationship bit by bit in how I talked and related to my man. Then to make things even worse people I knew who never even met my man and never even spoke to him were planting awful things into my mind also…doubts and making me even more insecure. I got rid of some of them people (Christians friends!) Things started to get better without those people in my life…but just as things were getting better ….other Christian friends of mine would say even more horrible things to me. For example: My man was not feeling very well (at the time I didn’t know this) and I hadn’t heard back from him in 2 days…(he lives out of town so we call or email everyday) I decided to call a long time Christian friend of mine. This friend is an older Christian woman (I am 48)…This older woman was like a second mom to me and a friend. Like family to me! I called her to see how she was and we talked….she asked me how things were with my man and I etc… I mentioned I hadn’t heard from him in 2 days. Right then she jumped into all this slander about him and she never ever spoke to him or met him…she doesn’t even know him!

She said things that really hurt me bad and had me shaking and in tears. She said maybe he is cheating, laughing behind my back or thinking of a way to dump me and that was maybe why he hadn’t called me for 2 days etc….the more she spoke the more horrible and hurtful the words she said to me felt. I was so shaken up I couldn’t do anything but cry and couldn’t speak to her… and after all that knowing she had me crying she suggested I come over to her place to bake cookies that it would make me feel better etc… Anyway I was so messed up by her words that I wrote my man and asked him stuff that sounded accusatory and doubtful of him… it really hurt the relationship a lot and he pulled away. Then I came clean and told him what I just went through with this woman and her words etc…..I explained how messed up it made me feel. He forgave me and we worked things out….he even told me not to blame myself. But even though we wanted both to work on things together…I guess my man felt hurt still and not trusted by me….I do not blame him at all and understand where he is coming from. Right now we are split up but he still is open for us to talk etc… it is my fault for listening to and letting them people get to me and taking it out on my man……but at the same time I can see that when we have had past hurts in life the devil uses them to destroy anything good that come into our lives. The devil used my past home life as a child and the hurts and insecurities to destroy any happiness I had. He brought back those feelings of being not wanted, not good enough. The devil even uses people to do his bidding as with my own Christian friends. There was nothing about the relationship between my man and I that was compatible or even wonderful with us! What my man said to me was this: “Things were so wonderful between us before you listen to those people ….. now look at us?”

All I hope for is this…God forgives me for listening to those people and even helps me to forgive them for doing the devils bidding and hurting me with words….For God to help me heal from my past and that negative words against me… that God can help my man to forgive me and heal also and have the strength to not give up in us……to help him to love me again and to heal the relationship from this damage.

I plan never to listen to anyone ever again who speaks such negative things to me about me or my man. I plan to trust my guy fully and not give him anymore heartache. I am not asking for God to make someone love me…but to bring back the love my man and I shared that was damaged. To heal our love and relationship. There must be love still in his heart for me buried deep down from all the hurts and drama..hidden…and there must be fear in him that this could happen again etc….but God can heal this…….God can find that love in his heart that is buried and help it to grow….I will not find another like my man…and do not want another….I love him alone….Sometimes there are people like myself that the devil doesn’t want to see happy and he uses any way to destroy that happiness. I wasn’t ready for it or prepared and I didn’t understand it was the devil behind everything until now….I have been speaking to more mature Christians about what happened and that all say it was the devil behind it all and I should have seen it! But at the time I was so hurt I was blind. It is almost Christmas now and my heart is broken and so lost because I am without the man I love with all my heart !

I had my dreams and hopes robbed from me by the devil..and didn’t even see it coming! I hope now that I see God can redeem what was robbed from me and my man between us…the love, hope and future we shared together…No one can fill his place in my heart and if my man is gone forever I will be empty and alone in this life….I do not want any other man! My love for him is true and forever! I had the right man……..hope I get another chance with him to make things right ! If God be willing.

52 Gail { 12.23.12 at }

Excuse my spelling in my last post… I was upset when I wrote it…..if it sounds not right when you read it…it is just a typing mistake ! Thanks

53 Shunna { 12.26.12 at }

I was married for 6 yrs to the man of my dreams, then we got pregnant after 5 yrs of fertility treatments only for me to lose the baby. I went into a very deep depression, I refused medication because I didn’t want to become addicted and so my anger, crying constantly, pain, and heartbreak took its toll one what was once a very solid marriage. I took my anger out on him when I loss the baby. We got into a huge fight about it, so he packed up in the middle of the night and moved to his mom’s an hour away. Needless to say, I begged him to stay but he was so upset and hurt he left anyway. I went to the dr and found out I suffered from post partum depression. I didn’t really know what ppd was until it happened to me. Now he understands it, we’ve talked and started to work it out but live separately until one day he called and said he’s not coming back home he was moving to another state in two weeks. I’ve tried to get him to stay but he won’t. He says he forgives me and I’ve repeatedly apologized but he left anyway. He’s been gone a month now, he calls daily, he text often. He said I should move there but not with him. And so I said if it isn’t with him I’m not going. I love him so much. Should I go? Is there hope for us? Losing the child we longed for took a huge toll on my life. He’s my best friend. I’m so torn. Please pray for me. What should I do?

54 Clyo Beck { 01.07.13 at }

Dearest Gail,

This rift between you and your beloved can be healed, but it will require you to hear and absorb what I am about to write.

Truth is, we create our own problems down here, and it’s up to us to allow ourselves to be guided toward healing. But that requires taking an active role. It’s not all passive.

Despite what we’ve been taught, Gail, there is no “devil.” No devil made you fear. What made you fear the worst and confront the man who you love with unfounded accusations were old programs embedded in you. You gave hints about how this happened when you wrote:

“My mother used to call me dumb, stupid, retarded as a child and young adult. I always felt dumb and unlovable.”

Your mom programmed you to always be unhappy in love. Don’t blame her because that won’t help, but will hurt you even more by distracting you from the work you must now do.

Get yourself to a certified EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) practitioner. Prepare to have 3 or 4 1-hour sessions with this person. What will happen is you will be guided in dissolving the programming that resides IN YOU that is causing you to sabotage your happiness.

In centuries past, people had no idea what the unseen forces that wreaked havoc in our lives were. The church gave these forces the name “devil.” Today we know these forces are subconscious, energetic programming that is embedded in the body as a result of trauma – and, as you know, each time you were told by your mother that you were stupid and unlovable was a traumatic event.

Until this programming is cleared from within you, your man will intuitively know that he might be accused in the future. As the saying goes, “once bitten, twice shy.” And it’s clear from what you’ve written that you know this.

Frankly, I would silently thank those Christian friends of yours for being the catalysts for bringing this whole thing to a head. Now that you see the problem – embedded, lifelong fears of being unlovable, etc – you know what needs to be cleared. Also, they have presented you with a clear choice. Will you believe that there is a devil, over which you have no control, just because they believe in a devil? Bear in mind that they also, apparently, believe in judging people as guilty without any proof despite the fact that Jesus told us: “Judge not lest ye be judged?”

So – will you choose their beliefs? Or will you take charge of your own healing, find out about EFT and why it works, pursue it, get this cleared, and transcend this pain?

It’s your choice. You found my site so I could spell it out for you. Probably no other Christian site is directing people to clear their longstanding emotional issues and pain with EFT; so there’s a reason you landed here. God obviously is nudging you to do what it takes to clear the past so you can reconnect with the man who feels so right to you.

Change yourself with EFT and your relationship with him will change. It will be the answer to your prayer.

You deserve love and happiness, Gail. I assure you, whatever you have done, you are entirely lovable and God adores you.
God is NOT angry at you. You have NOT betrayed him. He knows you have been programmed to be unhappy and you have been given erroneous information about a lot of things.

So don’t beg God’s forgiveness, because there is nothing to forgive. Instead, go – NOW – and pray for guidance and affirm you are being led to the right EFT practitioner. Be sure you work with a CERTIFIED practitioner. Make this your first priority, no matter how weird or “against” Christian beliefs someone may tell you it is – and for sure someone will give you that opinion.

You will generate resistance both inside and outside to this healing because you have been wounded in such a way that the wound is self-perpetuating. But be brave and do it anyway. Ask God to guide you to the right practitioner, and affirm God is leading you. Then start a casual search. Make it playful, not “end of the world.” When you talk with a practitioner, be sure you feel a real resonance with the person you choose to work with. Make sure you feel like “this is the one to help me.” Make sure you feel excited about working with the person. That will be a clue that you will be able to be open and allow your energy to be cleared.

Again, one session will not do it. Be prepared to invest in three or four.

You can have this man back.

YOUR WORK, SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT:

Ask God to bless those friends and acquaintances who filled you with fear. Silently thank them for helping you to get to a place where you can heal these issues of programmed self-rejection once and for all.

Affirm all is working out in the highest and best good of all concerned.

When you think of the man you love, imagine the two of you living together, laughing, and loving life together. Spend time every day daydreaming about how wonderful it will be when you are married. In fact, visualize the joy and beauty of your wedding day. Hear people congratulating you. Taste the cake in your mind. Toast the champagne. Imagine yourself in your beloved’s arms, dancing. Let yourself close your eyes and dream beautiful dreams of how your married life will be. Spend 20 minutes minimum every day sitting and imagining your bliss.

Find your EFT practitioner. Trust that you will know who is right for you. Trust that God is guiding you every step of the way.

Begin daily prayers and affirmations in which you tell yourself how wonderful, valuable and deserving you are. Look in the mirror and tell yourself all that is good and loving about you. Tell yourself that you love you. Say, to yourself in the mirror: “I love you, Gail. You are a beautiful human being, a beautiful woman, and a beautiful wife.”

You may cry. You may resist. Do it anyway. One day you will look in the mirror, say these things and feel happy because you will know they are absolutely true. Meanwhile, go on faith that this is how God sees you.

One more thing. Do not beg this man to be with you. Heal yourself and he will feel the difference across time and space, and will call you up spontaneously. He will want to get back together with you!

God wants you to be happy. Believe it! Also know that nothing – and no force – is stronger than God’s love for you.

All will be well, dearest Gail. I send you much love ~
Clyo

P.S. You are very brave and very good.

55 Clyo Beck { 01.07.13 at }

No problem! ;-)

56 Clyo Beck { 01.07.13 at }

Dearest Ria -

I’m so sorry I was not available to respond sooner. If nothing has changed since you left your comment, you have had to go through the holidays with this pain and without a reply, and I’m truly sorry about that.

I read through your comment a couple of times. I wish I didn’t have to write this but, In my experience, when a guy gets rude about you contacting him, that means it’s over. The guy knows he’s hurting you and he can’t cope. He doesn’t want to empathize with you – he doesn’t want to feel your pain and loneliness – so he gets angry and adopts “an attitude.” That comes as a real stunner when you’ve been so close. It’s humiliating, disrespectful – and it feels so awful when you can’t even ask what happened or get a straight answer. When you are cut off from even asking the question – that feels worst of all!

The truth is, he probably has no answer. Maybe he’s sabotaging himself. Maybe he did lose his job. Maybe, somehow, he’s blaming you or life. He probably feels he’s screwed up – plus he’s gotten you to care for him, is letting you go and doing it very badly. The person he’s really angry at is himself, but he’s not self-aware and is projecting it onto you.

As to why he has broken it off, I wouldn’t want to start speculating. If your intuition is nagging at you – if you have the feeling that the job loss is an excuse – well, your intuition is there for a reason. It’s to help you see through lies and subterfuge, to what’s really going on.

Yet, what’s going on with him is unimportant. I ask you to, instead, focus on what’s going on with you. The fact is, somehow you have to find a way to get over this pain and remember the good times as a gift (when they come to mind).

You wrote that you were not sure that you had been in love because that had never happened before. I would say that what you call it is unimportant. The fact is that you had merged with him and felt a real oneness with him. Now that has been sundered and you feel the loss keenly.

The question is not how to get him back. It’s not whether he is the “right one.” Certainly, if he were “the right one” he wouldn’t be treating you rudely – no way, no how. People can take breaks, they can reassess whether their life paths are compatible, but even as they are figuring it out they are still able to communicate deep caring for one another.

So, if I had to guess – and I have prayed for the right words to send you – I would guess that this relationship was a steppingstone for you. It was a beginning, to show you what’s possible between two people. Yes, it hurts to let it go. That means you cared and you were invested. Yet, as I’ve written before, it is so much better that he break it off now than five, fifteen, or fifty years from now. If you want to know devastation, actually live with a man for a few years (under the impression that you are life partners) and then have him pull away. It is excruciating. (And it is also devastating for men when women break it off – I mean no slight to the male sex here.)

The questions to ask are these: How do I get through this pain as quickly as possible? How do I get past this?

I’m afraid I am a broken record on this point. Just as I am an unshakable believer in the power of prayer, so am I just as strong an advocate of EFT – Emotional Freedom Technique. If you choose, you can go to a certified EFT practitioner and you can get over these devastating feelings of loss and grief in anywhere from 1 to 3 sessions. So invest in your own happiness – and in your own future – and get this pain cleared out.

Clearing the pain out does not mean you will become a person who feels less or is less able to love. On the contrary, it will prevent you from becoming numb to love for fear of being hurt again. It will also clear out whatever might be sabotaging you from making the kind of deep and lasting connection that is possible between two people.

There is a man for you – a man who will treat you every bit as good as this one if not better – and for a lifetime. I’m going to cut and paste some of the action steps I wrote for Gail here, and adapt them for you, because they really do apply.

ACTION STEPS:

1) Affirm all is working out in the highest and best good of all concerned, for you and this man who has pulled away. Ask God to bless him and bring him happiness.

2) Imagine yourself in a relationship. Resist doing this visualization with the man from whom you are now estranged, but make up a beautiful stranger. Pick a handsome guy out from a magazine – a model – anyone who appeals to you. Imagine being in love with a man like him. Imagine the two of you living together, laughing, and loving life together. Spend time every day daydreaming about how wonderful it will be when you are married. Visualize the joy and beauty of your wedding day. Hear people congratulating you. Imagine him feeding you a piece of your wedding cake and vice-versa. Toast the champagne. Imagine yourself in your beloved’s arms, dancing. Let yourself close your eyes and dream beautiful dreams of how your married life will be. Spend 5 minutes minimum every day sitting and imagining your bliss. (Spend as long as you like doing this visualization each day. Do it for as long as it feels effortless and fun.)

3) Use this affirmative prayer:

Dear God, I thank you that you align me with Your Love, Light and Joy. I thank You that a wonderful man is coming to me. He and I are made to live and love and be joyful together. He is free to be mine and wishes to be with me for the rest of our lives. He is kind, considerate, romantic, sexy (name everything you want here – claim it!) and treats me like a queen. I am his treasured beloved, the love of his life. He cherishes me and I appreciate him. He is the love of my life. We are totally compatible and life is absolute joy with him. Together we are on fire with life and love. I have never been so happy in my life. Thank you for my wonderful (husband, life partner – whatever feels most comfortable to you). How does it get any better than this? Thank you, thank you, thank you. Amen.

4) Find yourself a certified EFT practitioner. Trust that you will know who is right for you. Trust that God is guiding you every step of the way, (just as He is guiding me to write this to you). Be prepared to invest in 3 sessions so you can tap into the root cause programming behind this incident of a once-loving man suddenly turning against you.

5) Begin daily prayers and affirmations in which you tell yourself how wonderful, valuable and deserving you are. Look in the mirror and tell yourself all that is good and loving about you. Tell yourself that you love you. Say, to yourself in the mirror: “I love you, Ria. You are a beautiful human being, a beautiful woman, and a beautiful wife.”

You may cry. You may resist. Do it anyway. One day you will look in the mirror, say these things and feel happy because you will know they are absolutely true. Meanwhile, go on faith that this is how God sees you.

The fact is, the faster you can get out of this pain – and out of feeling “not enough” – the sooner you will attract someone to you who will not turn on you, but be a lifelong friend and lover.

The trick with faith – if we want to call it a “trick” – is believing in the unseen that is coming to you more strongly than you believe in the reality you see around you.

When we had Jesus around in the flesh to show us how, I’m sure it was much easier. Yet the principles he taught are absolute. Believe – even if your belief is the size of a mustard seed – and it must come to you. All your practice – and all the EFT and healing you do – is to clear the old doubt programming, raise your vibration, and help raise you up into absolute faith that God is on your side and restoring your awareness of his love for you.

God works through other people. Other people give you love – including spouses, children, parents, friends, etc. When you are able to receive unconditional love from other people, you are receiving God’s love through them. Some people are not able to keep flowing God’s love through them. They have blocks to it. They can only be happy for so long. Clear those blocks and the love never has to end. You can feel connected from the day you meet and throughout your life.

I would add one more recommendation for you, to help you understand how incredibly important it is to clear out the pain NOW so you can focus on – and feel happy about – what’s positive in your life. I strongly recommend you get the book The Astonishing Power of Emotions: Let Your Feelings Be Your Guide. The book comes with a bonus CD, and that’s what I recommend you start using right away. Listen to that CD and do your best to really absorb what’s being said. If you would like to use my Amazon.com affiliate link, here it is, but the important thing is that you get the book and CD as soon as possible, even if you check it out at your local library.

Thank God for showing you what love feels like. Ask Him to guide you now to lasting love. Do your bit by clearing the pain that will keep lasting love away. Then, whether you meet that new guy in two weeks or two years, keep building your faith that your true love is making his way to you. Believe in him so strongly that you do not notice he isn’t yet here – learn how to feel true happiness in anticipating his arrival – and he will appear faster than you expect.

My dear girl, you have loved and lost, but you will love and know great happiness again.

I send you much love,
Clyo

57 Clyo Beck { 01.08.13 at }

My darling girl, you have been through a terrible ordeal. You lost your child, you went through the misery of undiagnosed postpartum depression, and your husband has pulled away. Now you are suffering self-recrimination, confusion – and probably exhaustion.

Of course you are feeling confused and hurt and lost. Everything you are feeling is totally natural and normal, given what’s happened.

The first thing I suggest you do is surrender to God. This isn’t giving up what you want. It’s giving up your ideas about how to get there. It sounds like you have been “going against the flow” for years, trying to make things happen. You have paid a terrible price for it. Most of us do this, so you are not alone, and this is not to be taken as an indictment. There is no way you could have done anything differently. Instead, you will be one of the lucky ones if you can learn how to “go with the flow” after such suffering.

So what is “going with the flow?” Let me try to describe it so you might get a feeling of it in your body. “Going with the flow” allows your body and mind to relax because it requires no effort. You have an idea or thought and feel happy about going in that direction. As you think the thought or take the action, it feels good (or at least it does not feel like effort) as you do it. You go in a particular direction or do a particular thing because it is easy or feels good to do it. It feels better or easier than any other option presented to you. When you feel compelled to do a thing, there is no strain. You do not get tired. it is energizing.

For many women who try and try to conceive, the process is far from joyful. Far from “going with the flow” it is a years-long experience filled with pain, anxiety and a fear of what will happen if they give up. The process becomes a trial and a burden. They begin to see their bodies as enemies. They are not motivated by joy, but by fear they will never know joy. The more they invest and try, the more they feel obligated to keep trying or else the pain endured and the money spent will have been a waste.

So, when you think back on those years of trying, I am hoping you can get in touch with whether they felt full of exciting possibility or whether they just felt hard. If they felt hard, then you were battling against the current of your life. If you were, it’s now time to “let go and let God.”

I say this because it sounds like you’ve been fighting your body (trying to get pregnant) and fighting your emotions. It is so natural, when we are at war within ourselves, to start fighting with others.

It’s heartbreaking to want a child with all your being and wind up childless. It’s horrible to to be miserably unhappy and have no clue how to get out of it. You don’t want to stifle your feelings, but – on the other hand – when our feelings are hell-on-wheels and are controlling us, we know they are not doing us or anyone else any good.

The fact is, you have had years of disappointment and pain in trying to get pregnant. The loss of your child has been devastating. You have every reason to be in a rage. Should you feel that God, modern medicine, and everyone else has betrayed and forsaken you, who could blame you? How could you not feel alternately enraged and then depressed?

First off, how you feel – or felt – is not your fault. You have been kicked around like a rented mule. Yet, God didn’t do it and the doctors didn’t do it. You didn’t do it to yourself either – so do not blame yourself.

The fact is, we are blind to the subconscious causes behind what happens to us. When those things are positive, we don’t care to know the reasons. We attribute the blessings to God, and we don’t question events.

When misery strikes, however, it is time to get to the root of cause and effect. Perhaps you will one day seek to know about root causes. Meanwhile, you must come alive again. Your body, mind, heart and spirit have all suffered trauma. You are walking wounded. Part of you is walking dead. You must allow yourself to find your way to healing. No quick answers will do here.

So, again, my advice is to surrender. Every day, surrender to God. Ask him to guide you. Say, “Thy will, not mine” and affirm you are being guided in what He wants you to do. Whatever feels least painful, do that. If it’s stay in bed and sleep, stay in bed and sleep. If it’s to go for a walk, go for a walk. Do what gives you the greatest feeling of ease and well-being.

You need a lot of TLC. So please focus on yourself, not on your husband. Heal yourself and your husband may come round. I find it very interesting that he invited you to move to the same state where he is now living. To me, this is a sign that he loves and cares about you and does not want to be too far from you.

Yet, he is trying to recover himself. He went through a similar hell of ups and downs as you did. No doubt the loss of his his child has torn him apart. He is doing the best he can. He does not have the strength to be with you. He has his own wounds to lick. Give him time to be with himself. He needs it. He is asking big questions of God and life, such as: “Why? Why was my child taken from me? How can you inflict this pain and loss on my wife and on me? Why did we try so hard, only to be so bitterly disappointed?”

Give him space to take care of himself while you take care of you.

No person can be 100% true to him or herself when another person is around when that is not the person’s habit. We compromise. We get distracted from our own need for healing and involved in couple’s “issues.”

So let go for now. Accept that you both need time alone. Turn toward your own healing. Pull out the stops.

1) Get an EFT/Reiki practitioner if possible. Ask God to guide you to a practitioner who is skilled in both EFT and Reiki because your energy is depleted. If finding one is not easy, go with the flow of what is. Book separate sessions with certified practitioners in EFT and Reiki. Invest in yourself. This is the way to your future wholeness. If you do not feel good about working with one person, find another. Work with people with whom you feel secure and uplifted. You are seeking relief here, energy restoration, and feeling of renewed possibility. Skilled practitioners will be conduits for all that and more.

2) Upgrade your diet. Eat as many fresh vegetables and fruits each day as possible. Wean yourself away from bread, sugar, and anything with additives. Make sure you are getting enough protein. Read Use Your Brain to Change Your Age: Secrets to Look, Feel, and Think Younger Every Day by Daniel Amen. Don’t be put off by the title. Dr. Amen has helped many people restore their bodies and emotional balance – and their spirits – through diet. Diet is so important. We often think we need to pray more to feel better when often what we need most is a better diet.

3) Find meditation soundtracks that sooth you and make you feel better. Ask God to guide you to the best ones for you. Affirm: “I am guided to the best meditations for me. My mind, body, spirit, and energy are now fully restored.” Get several meditations. Be sure you have one that you can listen to that lulls you to sleep. You need restful sleep. When you go into the Delta phase of sleep, you reconnect and are soothed by Source energy. Be sure you are getting adequate restorative sleep.

4) Stop trying to make lifetime decisions. Stay in the present moment. Seek only to choose to feel as good as you can in any moment. For instance, if you are tired and your choices are between forcing yourself to go to the store, watching TV, or listening to a soothing meditation that relaxes you and allows you to drift off to sleep and take a nap, listen to the meditation and take the nap. Get in touch with what feels kinder, gentler, and less stressful, and do that.

Another example: If your choice is between thinking about how lonely you are without your husband or visualizing a happy new life with him, spend time visualizing new possibilities for the both of you. If visualizing happy times is impossible for you, then listen to a guided meditation that takes your mind off unhappy thoughts and makes you feel better and more at ease.

Do you get what I’m trying to say here? Choose the choice that puts you more at ease – that eases your mind, body and spirit – continually. Seek immediate relief from unhappy thoughts all day every day. Forget about the future. Live in the present moment. Excluding drugs or alcohol, do whatever it takes to make yourself feel better in the moment you are in. Choose what brings true peace to your body and mind. Listen to meditation CDs. Speak affirmative and joyful prayer. If you like to swim, find a gym with a heated pool and allow yourself to go there and do slow laps. Or lie in a warm-water filled isolation chamber. Find a way to experience what your body feels like when it is really and truly at ease.

In summary, in addition to EFT and Reiki, find those things that bring ease to your body, mind, and spirit, and do those things. In this slow and gentle way you will heal and be restored. As you take better and better care of yourself, all other things will begin to fall into place.

Now, about the move. How does it feel in your body when you think about living there? Does the move feel good? Does it feel enlivening? Does it feel like love? Does it feel like renewed hope? Does it feel like you? Does it feel real? Does it feel true? Does it feel generous? Does it feel like well-being?

Does it feel better or worse than imagining yourself staying where you are?

If it feels better – or if it feels like good things such as those I listed – then go. If it feels worse – if the idea feels like dread or despair or loneliness or sadness or other negative-feelings – then do not follow your husband at this time. It sounds like your husband will always be a good friend. Cherish that and let it be enough for now, whether you go or stay.

One more thing – it has been said that one of the best ways to recover from grief is to help restore someone else’s life. Have you thought about volunteering for the Peace Corps? It may sound impractical, but maybe you need a complete change of pace. Or, is there anything you always wanted to do, but didn’t do? Is there any “cause” that calls to your heart? Or any place where you always wanted to go? Does any idea from the past still light up your heart? Consider these ideas after you spend some time giving yourself intensive TLC.

In all you do, listen to your heart and your body. They are your best and most loyal friends. Take no options off the table. If an idea occurs to you that you love, focus on it and ask God to guide you gently to it. Follow what strengthens the sensations of love and joy in your heart, take care of your own well-being, and you cannot go wrong.

The rest of your life is before you. You are here for a reason. You have a lot of love to give, and a lot of joy to live. Life may feel over, but my sense is that, if you will trust and learn to “go with the flow” you will be happy with the outcome.

I have prayed for your complete healing, and I send you much love -
Clyo

58 Ria { 01.12.13 at }

Hi Clyo

Thank you so much for your kind words, advice and encouragement. I honestly appreciate everything you have said and will definitely follow your steps as from today. I’ll be researching my local EFT practitioners and I’ll order The Astonishing Power of Emotions over this weekend as well!

I just wanted to let you know what happened since i wrote to you. The day after i messaged you, I sent a simple yet forthright message asking why he had gone cold and whether we were still dating or not. I explained that I completely understood he was going through a rough time, but his actions had left me confused and I would rather he just be honest so I know where I stood with him. Funnily, he seemed somewhat surprised and apologized several times saying it wasn’t intentional to hurt me and that he had just been swept off his feet with work and things happening at home etc. He acknowledged he shouldn’t have been rude to me and apologized saying he didn’t want to be that sort of person. Then he said when things calm down, we’ll definitely meet and have a catch up – where he’ll explain everything. After replying to his message accepting his apology, I didn’t contact him at all. But he messaged me on Christmas Day, and throughout New Year’s. He was telling me he landed a new job in his industry which he was extremely happy about (I was helping him find a job before things went wrong as i have good contacts in his industry) and he said he was really happy and that he’d explain everything to me when we meet up.

That is where things were left, then I woke up this morning and for some reason found myself on your website to see if you had replied and you did :-D so was really happy.

Him contacting me throughout the holidays, gave me something to ‘hold onto’ since I was so fragile – which I don’t think is right. Because regardless of him being happy now and wanting to meet, I can’t disregard the fact that when he was in a bad place, he took it out on me. That was not cool at all. As you mentioned, you could be reassessing your compatibility or you could take a break, but that doesn’t mean you can’t show you care for that person! He didn’t consider my feelings at all. Just as you said, he was angry with himself and was projecting it on me. So I’m not sure what to do here. Before i read your message this morning, there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that I would meet with him. But now I’m not so sure. Perhaps he genuinely does want to meet and explain himself.. Perhaps he doesn’t, but he’s feeling guilty so he’s giving me false hope to make himself feel better. I don’t know. Either way, I’m going to follow your advice and focus on MYSELF because I’m still extremely vulnerable and physically can’t take anymore of this.

It wasn’t easy around the holidays, but I tried to take my mind off that situation and focus on my family and friends. I had a lovely Christmas and New Years with them and I thank god for them! Thank you soooo much once again Clyo, you’ve really helped me out and I’m so grateful to have come across your website! You’re an inspiration. Much love and many blessings. Ria xxx

59 Clyo Beck { 01.12.13 at }

So glad I could help, Ria! And thanks so much for letting me know what happened, and that you are going to focus on taking care of yourself. That is great news.
Much love,
Clyo

60 April { 01.17.13 at }

I don’t even know where or how to begin. For the most part my childhood was filled with love and a mother and father who was faithfully married for over 47 years. I even in this happy childhood grew up with some insecurities. Now at 41 the past decade of my life has brought such heart ache. I believe in God in his power but everyday feel depressed, anxiety and just plain tired.
It all started with my marriage to a man , a good man but didn’t give me attention that I desired , he ended up cheating and we divorced, my mother unexpectenly passed away during the last year of our marriage. I come from a very close family so this was devistating. During this marriage I found out he had children in Haiti and I offered to raise them but the answer was always no. I had a miscarriage while with him and this was difficult because i have always wanted children. He lied in the beginning of the relationship even about the kids. He left me one day without a note or even a good by. I tryed for a few months to get him back but found myself attracted to another Haitian man I was only trying to learn creole from so I could better communicate with his n my now culture. It was a love over the Internet for about 4 months until he came to live with me. In the beginning it was wonderful he have me all the affection and attention I longed for. He worked for about 8 months and lost his job. for the next 4 years he didn’t work while I did. In this time both my only brothers also died unexpectenly and my dad still greiving for everyone developed cancer. I took care of my father for the next 4 years until he passed away a little over a year ago. The divorce and death has left me in such huge debt, I have had a foreclosure, 2 repos and owe the IRS thousands of dollars. After my oldest brother died I took with my new partner and father his 4 boys without any financial help for about 3-4 years. During this time I also worked a very stressful job as a director of nursing to support everyone. The Kids being angry and troubled by thier fathers death was not easy and caused strife between my mate because he felt I loved and respected them and even thier mother who he cant stand over him. He left me for 6 months not telling me he wasn’t comming back to go back to newyoek witha girlfriend and his grandmother. Also his grandmother lived with us for a short time also but spoke no English so it was hard, this is the woman who raised him as his mother abandoned him at 2. We also got pregnant and was so happy but i had a rubal and had to have emergency surgery loosing the baby. When he left I made the mistake of talking and somewhat flirting with his brother, it TRUELY wasn’t anything more than for me to see what he was doing because I cryed prayed and begged for him to come back to me. He finally started asking me to come back just as I began to try and move in and I of course brought him back. We have shared so much together it’s hard to explain. When he came back there was still strife with the kids and him but at the time I didn’t know what else to do. There was jealousy and hike he helped in the house I wanted him to get a job. I did try to help him go back to school and helped him with a GED but it didn’t work out, he failed the basic test for police officer, I wanted him to succeed , it just didn’t happen. We talked about marriage and I promised when he came back I would try to make the kids respect him better and I did even though he doesn’t think so.
When I started getting the kids social security checks after years of thier mother not helping or being a part of thier life she took me to court for the kids and got them back,
Before this happened however, there was an incident with a gun that was used in front of the kids from my boyfriend, I was angry, hurting, frustrated and put him out, I tryed to give him 300 dollars but he refused to take it, two days later I went and got him from a shelter and we said we would try again but I made him leave and come to another city 2 he’s away. I told him to get a job and I would follow. I couldn’t do it all and we slowly became more apart until I told him it was over. I did help him get a job and he’s been there for almost a year.
Recently we have been making contact and after I lost the boys I lost my job because I am just tired and exhausted. I miced to the same city I sent my boyfriend in my units house. I tryed to go back to work but had to quit after a month from anxiety and just fatigue.
My boyfriend and I started talking and I felt like I really missed him and want him back. I prayed for god to give me 3 specific signs and the signs were yes basically we will be back together.
I have found out that he has a new lady and he says he lives me but he is in love with the new woman. I don’t know what to do anymore, he has been such a huge part of my life but I need him as a man to help take care of me now instead of me taking care of him, am I selfish? He text one days and says we can start as friends but I don’t want to be a back up plan, I know God would want us married and I should have years ago but I just didn’t. I feel guilt for putting him out with no one or no where to go. He’s working now and tells me I need to work on me before worrying about him but also says he will pray about comming back to me but he’s still hurt. I took him to Popeyes today thinking we would talk n eat together, he hugs me, hold me but would kiss me and says he lives the other woman. I’m do confused because he tends to lie but I do live him and I want Gods will. I’m so lonely sad guilt ridden and tired. I can’t even pay my own bills, thank God for m aunt. What in the world do I do to get over all the rejection, hurt, pain, depression , loneliness and how do I know if he can or should forgive me?? I’m trusting God I’m just so unbalanced….. Help!

61 April { 01.17.13 at }

So sorry for all the mis spelling, I had to write from a cell phone. I left out so much but hopefully you can get the jest of my life story
Thank you
God bless you

62 shelngam { 01.18.13 at }

hi my relationship is in critical condition due to her family interfrence , i have been in relation with this girl for two years now and we were planing to get marry to each other next year . everything went well and smooth between us , she stay in another city so she wanted to celebrate christmas and new year with her family , i had this feeling that i might lose her if i let her go but since her sister knew about us i let her go to her family . everything was find untill new year she was in touch with me but suddenly she stop calling me or replaying me msgs .Then on 13 jan she msg me that she made a dicision between us to be saperated because all her family thinks another guy their family friend is the right one for her .i could not believe myself she would be taking the decision base on her familes choice , i ask her if she was trying to get married to that guy soon and she told me franky yes but it was just the theory of her family she wasn’t ready yet to marry him so she wanted space from me to be ready . i told her how much i love her and she told me she still love me very much and i will always be there in her heart , so i asked if incase she change her mind in future she don’t know if would be ready or change her mind .she want to marry him just because her mother said so but she still love me told me she won’t be able to forgive herself for hurting me . i am still hoping she change her mind and realise how she mean to me alot and marry me . i don’t want her to get married to him just because her family said so and i know that she won’t be happy with him because she told me that he wants her to be his wife only not because he love him . i really need GOD to help us out in getting us back together i really want her back .

63 shelngam { 01.18.13 at }

please help me in your prayers …

64 Amy { 02.01.13 at }

Hello Clyo-

I am finding myself in a very difficult situation, and I am hoping you might be able to share some thoughts:

I fell in love with a woman. Until this point, I had always considered myself straight, and I have been in happy relationships with men. I started hanging out with a woman that I worked with, and we were instantly connected. I found her to be intriguing, and I hung on every word she said. I knew she was gay, but I never really thought too much about it. One night while we were hanging out, she asked if she could kiss me, and before I could even think about it, I said yes! We then dated for 5 years. She was amazing! She treated me like a princess, and always thought about how to make my day. She told me that she has never cared for someone the way she cared for me. We were best friends. I have NEVER had such a strong emotional connection with anyone else in my life, but I was confused about what it meant to be in a relationship with a woman. She was patient with me, and although I came out about our relationship to some friends, I never told my family. She was very patient at first, and every time she brought it up, I said that I would work harder, but my fears and insecurities always overtook me. She suggested that I go to therapy, but I always said that I could handle it myself. Eventually, she said she got tired of waiting, and that she was leaving me for good. Since then she told me that she is attracted to someone else, and that she doesn’t feel the same way about me anymore. She said that I was living two separate lives, and that as time went on she stopped dreaming of a future with me. We broke up a month ago, and it has been crushingly devastating. I think about her constantly, and have spent a lot of time reading about what is important in a relationship, studying my insecurities and reaching out to people. I miss her. I reached out for therapy. I made the difficult decision to talk to my parents. I talked to some friends. She doesn’t really reach out to me anymore, but we have hung out a couple times. She told me that she would have done anything in the world for me, but now she is so hurt that she doesn’t have the energy to try anymore. She told me that in the past when she prayed about it, God told her to wait, but this last time, she said He told her “be free my child”. Obviously, I am having a really difficult time just walking away. i didn’t give the relationship the chance it deserved because I was fearful of coming out. I want her to be happy. I want to be with her. I have done the things that she had always wanted me to do (therapy, talking with family/friends) and besides that we didn’t fight. When we were together, she told me that she wanted me to fight for her; that I had always fought for everything else that I wanted. My question is: Do I just let her go, and hope that she is happy (since she told me that she doesn’t feel the same way anymore and that she is in a new relationship), or do I continue to fight for her and show her how much I want to be with her? I am fairly new in my walk with God, and I have been searching for answers, though it seems to be confusing me more. Sometimes I get the message to not give up on love, and make sure that people know that you love them. Other times, I get the message to hand it to God and let Him fight it. I have prayed that He reveal Himself, but I feel like I might be getting in my own way. I’ve asked Him to help me to focus on myself and being thankful, full of peace and open to learning more about Him. Sometimes these thoughts of her just get stuck in my head, and I am worried that she will think that she isn’t important to me anymore.

65 Clyo Beck { 02.02.13 at }

Dear Amy,

What a journey of spiritual and emotional growth you have traveled! And, then, finally when you get to the place where you are willing to own and declare your love publicly, it’s over. My heart goes out to you.

Amy, I’m sure you know now that one way a person knows he or she is loved is when you do not hide your love for that person from others. She could not feel truly loved and cared for as long as she remained a secret part of your life. Whether a person keeps a lover’s existence secret because he or she is married and refuses to make a choice or because he or she is afraid of the fallout from “coming out” – the message to the lover is the same: other people’s opinions of me are more important than you are to me.

I think that, in this case, had you been able to come out sooner, that would have been consistent with the message you get from God which tells you to make sure the people you love know you love them. Then, it would have been up to God to – as you say – “fight it out” on your behalf to protect and sustain you in the face of any adverse reactions from your family, friends, co-workers, etc.

Of course, the best way to help God “fight it out” is to send love to all those who disapprove. That requires, really, a decision – and a fight within yourself – to not hate those who are against you, but to choose to send them love instead. What I’m trying to get at here is that any “fight” language you are receiving really is about the internal fight within you.

We all have internal fights. We all have to choose between love and fear – between love and defensive thoughts, words, and behaviors – on so many fronts.

First off, do not blame yourself for your reluctance to “come out.” What you did takes so much courage. It’s people like you who are, slowly, changing this world so that we realize that gender is not as important as is giving and receiving love to others. You have had an experience, now, so that you clearly see that things are not so “black and white” in regard to love and sexuality.

A love relationship is challenging enough without having to deal with being shamed for who you love as part of the mix.

That is why your lover pulled away. Being in relationship with you was an invalidation of who she was. It took all her energy to be in it. The guidance she got was right on. She was going against the current and she needed to stop.

So, what do you do?

My suggestion would be to send her a card and flowers – or whatever she loves – and tell her how grateful you are for the love she lavished on you for five years. Apologize for invalidating her for all those years – for making everyone else’s opinion of you more important than her feelings and love. Tell her – if it’s true – that you will always love her, and that if she ever needs anything, you will be there for her as a friend.

Then I strongly suggest you go to a certified EFT practitioner to help you get over your broken heart. You can love her without hurting, and the sooner you get past the pain, the better.

While you are working with the EFT practitioner, be prepared to allow those beliefs that shamed and frightened you (into keeping silent about the relationship you were in) to come out and be cleared.

Once they are cleared she might come back to you. The thing is, you never can tell what God’s plan is for you ahead of time. You can only travel it one step at a time. Take the step – the step that feels good, that feels like you, that feels freeing, that feels like love, that feels like relief – take that, pause, sense what next step would feel good, take it, pause, sense what next step would feel good, take it, pause – and so on.

Getting relief from pain always feels better than staying in the pain. So get relief through EFT.

Once you are not being controlled by the pain of loss and fear that she does not understand how much you love her, you will be able to better focus on what you want.

It could be that she was a person who came into your life only to pass through it.

Or it could be that, once you are clear of the old beliefs that – really – have been embedded in all of us about how same sex love is evil and shameful – then you will be better able to move in the direction of what feels good to you – as opposed to moving in directions that other people want you to move in.

So – in summary

1) Send her a card and message that leaves no doubt as to your affection and love for her and extends a lifetime of friendship to her should she need or want it.

2) Yes, let her go, pray for her happiness and rejoice in it.

3) Make a game out of finding the right EFT practitioner and anticipate being free of the old beliefs and fears that lost you your lover, as well as the pain of the loss.

4) Start affirming and visualizing – every day – that the perfect lover and partner (and friend) comes to you, easily and effortlessly. Affirm all the wonderful things you want in your ideal relationship. Do not affirm a gender, just that this person is the perfect match for you and vice-versa, in that you both make each other feel so lucky, so blessed, so loved, so adored, so free to be yourselves in this relationship.

5) Expect God to bring that person to you. Whether it’s the woman you lost (but do not expect this) or a new lover – whether man or woman – God will bring the right person to you. You both will be empowered – not drained – by being in relationship with each other.

Amy dear, you have not failed, but grown incredibly. God wants you to be happy. God wants for you to help us all give up these terrible shaming beliefs that keep us from being who we really need to be – whether for one relationship or for a lifetime. You are still growing. Be gentle with yourself. Heal your heart and expect that, in time, you will both love and be truly loved again.

I send you much love,
Clyo

66 Amy { 02.03.13 at }

Clyo:

I am so thankful for your quick response. I appreciate the time that you took to reply; as you can tell this is a multi-layered situation that I have been trying to pull apart for awhile now. I am grateful for your words of encouragement and appreciate your prayers as I continue through this journey.

67 Clyo Beck { 02.05.13 at }

Dearest April,

So sorry for the delay in responding. I must trust that all is in Divine Order.

April, when you find yourself tired and exhausted that means you are going against the flow of your own soul, your own path, your own energy and current.

You ask if you are selfish. I have to tell you that, based upon your narrative, it’s obvious to me that you are NOT selfish. On the contrary, you have been putting everyone’s needs ahead of your own. You’ve been trying to take care of everyone else but yourself.

You have given and given and given and now you are drained. Being drained, you are vulnerable. You need love, affection and TLC so badly that you are at risk of betraying yourself by returning to a man who not only has not supported you – not only has betrayed and let you down in countless ways – but who has the utter gall to kiss you and lead you on even while rubbing salt in your wounds by telling you he loves another.

MY ADVICE:

Ditch this guy. Your narrative is full of reasons why he is no good for you. Not only that, but you will never heal with him in your life doing this to you – playing with you and stringing you along.

Make a clean break and affirm that God is leading you to uncover your authentic self and live your authentic life. Craft your prayers to this end.

You stand at a crossroads. This is the time to make a life decision. It’s time to make the decision to value yourself enough to treat yourself as though you matter. It’s time to make the decision to only hang out with people who treat you as though they value you.

Yes, that means you may be desperately lonely for a while. Yet, in the long run, you will be better off. I can tell you this because I was in a similar place. After my divorce I was utterly alone, exhausted and devastated. I had no one after my divorce – not a parent, a sibling or even a friend. I had to move out of state and was on my own. It felt, frankly, like I had been scraped clean inside. I was empty and full of pain. The only way I got through that very stark and almost surreal part of my life was through faith. I put one foot in front of the other, with the faith that God would lead me to something better. God did. It took time, but I got to an amazing place that I never could have foreseen back then.

The thing is, if you lack faith – or if you feel confused – that’s alright. You only need to be willing to learn to trust God. Your faith will build if you turn to God, turn to prayer, turn to meditation, and allow God to reveal your path to happiness to you.

Stop worrying about others. You don’t have the energy to give to anyone right now. Instead of fretting and feeling guilty, give thanks to God for your aunt. God works through other people. He is working through your aunt on your behalf. He has given you her support because He knows you are at the lowest point in your life and you need it. It is not His will that you be homeless on top of everything else.

Give thanks that this crisis and exhaustion has happened now, instead of twenty years from now. You still have lots of time to recuperate and grow into a new life.

Focus on taking care of yourself – body, mind and spirit. If you are not eating a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables, make doing that one of your new hobbies. Get out and go for a walk each day. You will be surprised at how much more energy you will begin to have after a week of getting your body out and moving. Also spend time resting – even if you cannot sleep – without the television or radio on. Just lie in bed in silence. Take long baths. Get yourself a relaxing meditation tape and listen to that as much as possible. Create opportunities for your body to feel at ease.

Cut out the self-criticism. You are where you are. Instead of worrying about what you did or did not do or what you should be doing, take care of yourself until you find there is something you want to do.

Start giving yourself positive self-talk. Tell yourself you are strong, resourceful, loving, and beloved by God. Imagine yourself feeling a thousand times better in a year. Tell yourself you earned your living in the past and you will again. Your words have power. When you tell yourself you are dependent and scared and exhausted and unbalanced you will continue to be so. So don’t. Instead, tell yourself that you are in a period of recuperation and all will be well, that you are coming into closer alignment with God every day and things are getting better. Eventually you will look around and notice that things are getting better. Your words have great power. As long as they are consistent, they will change your life. Whatever they are and whether they call forth good or bad, God’s energy makes them manifest, over time.

Take on nothing that does not feel easy. Take on nothing not directly related to getting your energy back and getting you feeling good. If an action does not feel energizing – if you have to make yourself do it because doing it does not feel good – then do not do it.

The only way you are going to get back on the road to authenticity and a fulfilling life is to pay attention to what makes you feel good, valued, whole, well – etc. – and do those things and nothing else.

Give yourself time. Would you expect a person who had been beaten to a pulp or who had been in a traumatic accident to just get up and go back to work? Would you not have some compassion for that person and encourage her to rest and recuperate and spend some time just “being?” You have been emotionally beaten up over the last several years by event after event, including the fact that family members you loved died and you lost a child.

My dear, you have gone through so much trauma it is no wonder you are having trouble functioning. The body can only take so much negative stress and pain.

As to how to release all that is weighing you down, I strongly recommend that you explore “tapping” or EFT. While it doesn’t sound like you have the funds to seek out an EFT practitioner to work on clearing all the emotional pain your body is holding, you can find out about tapping this week without cost by listening to speakers who are part of the 2013 World Tapping Summit.

Take advantage of this. Tap along with the presenters. Learn about the benefits. Learn the basic tapping protocol. Set the intention to release the emotional pain from your body. Then see what calls to you and do it.

Know this: God does not judge you. To God you are perfect and wonderful and beautiful. To God, there is nothing in you to forgive. To God, there is no reason for you to feel guilt or shame.

God loves you and wants only your happiness, April. Yet God can only do for you what He can do through you. So decide that feeling good is your top priority. Then, when you are faced with two thoughts, one of which makes you feel bad and worried and the other of which makes you feel a little more optimistic, decide to think that better-feeling thought. Recognize that thinking positive thoughts makes you feel better and do more of that. Recognize who and what makes you feel valued and gravitate toward that and away from people and thoughts that make you feel not enough. Give thanks to God every time something make you feel better.

Through one slightly more positive thought, one slightly better-feeling choice and one slightly-easier action at a time you will regain your direction and get back in the flow of your good.

God is on your side 100%. Now it’s time for you to be on your own side and support yourself with your thoughts, words, and actions – in other words start learning how to see yourself as someone worthwhile who is absolutely adored by God. God appreciates you for being who you are, right now. So are you willing to stop bashing yourself for not having all the answers? Are you willing to “let go” and choose better thoughts about yourself so you start to feel better about yourself and your possibilities?

God created you. To bash yourself is to bash His creation. You aren’t doing God or yourself any favors by bashing yourself for not being able to pay bills right now.

Believe in yourself and your worth, if for no other reason than the fact that God believes in you. God is trying to get you to understand you are holy to Him. Love yourself – despite all “warts” you perceive – and you love Him. You will come through this, April, if you will just be kinder and more forgiving of yourself and do your best to get rid of self-criticism. Pamper yourself through this hard time. Use tapping to release the rejection, hurt, pain, and loss. Pray, meditate and speak to yourself with affection and respect. Your energy and direction will return. When you are ready to work, you will.

I send you much love, April. You are a beautiful woman with a beautiful, loving heart. You have always done your absolute best. Now turn that love upon yourself.

68 Lee { 02.06.13 at }

Hi Clyo,
I am writing because i do not know what is happening and what i should do. There is a girl I love, but at the time i asked her out for a date she turned-down my request until i gave up. After i have given up, and after a few months she came back to me on her own asking that we go out and have dinner together. My love for her kept growing and i thought she equally loved me until one day i decided to tell her I love her so much and would like to marry her in future. She immediately told me no, we are just friends; and we have got no romantic relation. This was a big one to swallow. After this day, she kept talking to me and spending time with me. The next thought that came to me was that she was still studying me. We spoke so much by phone, and I helped her financially when the need came, but she never showed me any green light until I discovered she was already dating another person. When I discovered this she was devastated. she even begged me not to disclose it to our friends. From that time I reduced my interaction with her even though she kept calling. When she realized i am distancing myself from her she called and asked me why I do not want to talk to her anymore. When I told her she has been deceiving me the whole time, she replied she did not take me serious when i told her I loved her and would like to marry her until later. she is still coming closer and closer to me. Is there any hope? We still speak a lot at night over the phone and we drive together to church on Wednesdays. she doesn’t want to let me go and I do not know if she loves me and if something can happen between us. I have been praying to bring her to me if I have a future with her or repel he permanently away from my life if she is not meant to be my. The relationship is complicated, she says we are just friends and yet she wants the attention of a girlfriend. I love her but, she remain elusive.

Thanks

69 Nersheen { 02.14.13 at }

Hello first I want to thank you for this amazing article. It helped me right now I’m going through a rough breakup and I am trying to heal. I’m only 21 and ive dedicated the last 8 years of my life to my childhood love and the mother of my two kids. It seems like I can’t let go because I have faith in our family working out one day. He doesn’t even call our children. Is there any prayers I can say to help him at least me a good father to my children? I’m always sad thinking of the possibilities. I’m doing well with my depression but I always feel ugly and unwanted. I’m putting god first but I honestly see do not myself with nobody else :( help I need words of encouragement please!!

70 Clyo Beck { 02.21.13 at }

Dearest Nersheen,

Oh, my heart goes out to you for what you said:

“I’m doing well with my depression but I always feel ugly and unwanted.”

Dear child of God, those feelings could so quickly be banished forever with Emotional Freedom Technique. Please do yourself a favor and either find yourself a certified practitioner or, at least, research EFT online and find some videos to lead you through tapping. With tapping you can actually get rid of the negative energy in your nervous system that keeps such thoughts in place.

Investigate tapping; learn the points – it’s easy. Then, the tapping set up statement you would begin with would use your own exact words like this:

Set up statement: “Even though I always feel ugly and unwanted I deeply and completely accept myself and my feelings.” (repeat 3 times while tapping on karate chop point)

Tap on specific points while saying: “I always feel ugly and unwanted.”

If you choose to go to an EFT practitioner, be sure to take these exact words with you. That person will help clear these feelings forever and tap in positive feelings.

Please, please do this. It will do more for you than you can imagine.

You are beloved of God. God wants you to be happy. To be happy when you are stuck, you must raise your vibration. Prayer and EFT will raise your vibration. Once your vibration is raised you will be able to see and allow other possibilities.

There is someone for you. God did not create you so you would languish on earth feeling alone and unloved. The only reason you feel like this is because of your past. You were taught by your experiences to feel “less than” and alone and sad and depressed. My dearest girl, I felt just like you at your age. Life was so lonely, so barren, and I was so lost and alone. It thought no one would ever love me. How wrong I was!

You deserve love and love will come to you, too. You are a good person. Being sad is not a crime, so do not blame yourself. Ask God to lead you to the healer who will facilitate your rise out of these feelings of being ugly and unwanted because, sometimes, we just cannot rise on our own. Sometimes we need a helping hand.

So affirm God is guiding you to that helping hand. Affirm you are led to the person who can help you transform into the joyful person you are deep inside.

You deserve it! Settle for nothing less. And be of good cheer as your healing path must now unfold.

I send you much love,
Clyo

71 Clyo Beck { 02.21.13 at }

Dearest Lee,

Oh, my sweet man, how your heart is being taken for a ride. It sounds to me as if this woman is a spiritual test for you. She is presenting you with a choice whether to feel respected and valued or not.

To me, the red flag is that she accepted financial help from you while giving you the impression that she “might be” interested in you while she was dating someone else. My dear, my sense is that she is using you. She may, in fact, have attachment issues of her own. You sound like a wonderful guy and maybe she cannot accept that she is worthy of such a wonderful guy. But that is her problem to figure out, NOT YOURS.

Do not sacrifice yourself on the altar of her uncertainty or misuse.

My sense is that she will never be reliable, never be true, never give you her heart unless she does some very deep inner work.

You cannot expect her to do the inner work. Do not even suggest it.

Instead, resolve to do your OWN inner work so you are never again attracted to someone who values you so little as to use you and lie to you.

To get over the pain and – dare I say addiction to her love? – (And, trust me, there is no judgment here. Unhealthy love is like a drug. I have fallen under it’s dark sway and it took me years to clear my own addictions to being devalued by a person who claimed to “love” me. ) I suggest you work with a certified EFT practitioner for 3 to 5 sessions. It will be so worth your investment imply to be rid of the pain of your longing for her.

Consider that this gal can’t even say she loves you. I would take her lack of love and sexual desire for you as fact. The fact she can string you along is too tempting for her to resist. My sense is that, by giving you a little attention she can get you to so whatever she needs at the time. That is a heady power you give her. If she’s lonely, if she wants to talk, if she needs a little cash – you’ll be there. You are a good, good friend – I suspect you are a good friend to everyone you care for.

That is admirable, so long as it is a two-way street.

Ultimately, you must decide how you want to be treated. Is the way she treats you the way you want to be treated? Because from what you have written I see no reason to expect any change. This is the way it will be with her – off again, on again and no commitment on her part – forever, or as long as you allow it.

If this is not what you want, then decide you will value yourself and your own needs enough to break it off.

Stop torturing yourself by spending time with her. Change your phone number. Stop giving her rides to church. Go cold turkey. When she turns her doe eyes on you at church and asks how you could abandon her and not want to be “friends” anymore, simply tell her: “I respect myself too much to go on letting you treat me the way you have been treating me. It’s time for me to move on.” If she feigns not to understand, don’t bother to explain. Just tell her, “God bless you” and leave it at that.

Then focus on you. You deserve so much better than this. Affirm God is leading you to healing of all that blocks you from being led to the love of your life, the one who will love you truest and best.

Seek out what feels right to you, in terms of healing. I have found EFT to be amazing, but you must follow your own path. Look for a spiritual/energetic healing modality that inspires you, empowers you, and shows you your own worth.

One day you will fall in love with a woman who will reciprocate your love and thank God for you. To get to that woman, work on understanding and FEELING your own value.

You are a unique strand of God energy. You came into this life to offer something completely unique to the world. No one will ever express God exactly as you do. You are valuable to God and God wants you to understand that and value yourself.

Value yourself as God values you and, trust me, you will be a magnet for the right woman.

Life is a journey. There would be little purpose to being born with all the answers. So, whatever you do, do not beat yourself up for the past. This is a trip – an adventure of the spirit in physical form. We have to learn to deal with so much – pain, hormones, emotions other than pure joy – so give yourself credit. You are doing a heck of a job being loving to others. Now be more loving and expansive toward yourself.

You understand how important it is to love others.

Now love and appreciate yourself fully and deeply. It will not spoil you. It will bring others to you who enhance your love for all things and all people and God.

You were never meant to spend your life lonely.

The right woman is out there for you. But, dear one, from everything I can see and intuit, the woman you are writing about is not the one. She is only an example of what you DO NOT want and how you DO NOT want to be treated. Give thanks that you have experienced this – and it has given you a choice to consider – without being married to her.

God help you if you were married to her. Life would not be fun, but would likely be a continual state of confusion and hurt – and maybe betrayal.

Thank God you are only “friends” and let even that go.

I send you much love. Thanks so much for your question, Lee.

Clyo

72 Lee { 02.21.13 at }

Clyo

Thank you so much for your response; it is a real solution to a poisonous equation. Before the arrival of your response, I took a big step and decided not to ever call her over the phone from the 14th of February ( valentine’s day). She came to me on this day well dressed to go out but not with me, all she needed was money for gas which she did not get because that day was a planned D-day to call it off with her. Till today, the 21st of February 2013, neither she nor me called each other. The last time I saw her she appeared sinking into poverty (somehow weird appearance).
I will stick to your advise and do things in a much better way. You have indeed described my personality to me and I will act as you have prescribed.

Thank you

73 Swathika { 02.27.13 at }

i was in a relationship for the past 3 years..but my lover left me one month back without a reason..i didn’t do any wrong to him..he even promised me that he will marry me but he is saying that he hates me and doesn’t want me..feel like dying without him..i love him a lot..please pray to soften his heart and come back to me.i can’t live without him and his love.

74 Bahiyyih { 03.14.13 at }

My story is long like the others. My boyfriend of over 4 years waited until a week before I had our second child to break up with me for a married woman. They now live together and i’m not sure if she ever got that divorce. It is exactly seven months since our second child was born and I am still in love with him. The last year he felt distant but the last few months I thought things were getting better. We have stayed close not being able to not speak to each other and drama has subsided. Two days ago I wrote him a letter pouring my heart out to him and had him read it while at my home. He broke out in tears when I hugged him and said he has been thinking about coming home too but wouldn’t discuss it. We spoke today and he said if he did chose to leave her he would have to do it on his own. He said if he did come back to me he wouldn’t now because he still has feelings for her and can’t hurt me again. He would want to come back his complete self and not just half. He has lost his job car and lives off his school check. And i the same since we parted. My heart tells me he is my husband and i pray everyday for God to bless us both and complete us so we can become one. I even get so deep in prayer I speak in tongues. I miss him and he isn’t a bad man. This was the first and only time he stepped out on me. We didn’t have a perfect relationship but we bettered each other. My heart tells me he still loves me and i’m trying to be patient but i’m getting impatient waiting for them to be over. I want God to cleanse my heart and mind. I have forgiven them and forgiven myself for all that we have done the last months but I can’t help but want him back in our home. Loving only me.

75 Supriya { 04.23.13 at }

Hmmmm:-( I would like to share my pain….I losed my love in last 3 months…He was my life,smile,heart, everything…We loved for 3 years madly and honestly:-( He used to tell me always su i love you to extent more than you do….but why did he love me all alone…He left me…Still i couldn’t digest it..we were not like others we never roamed anywhere,we didn’t even loved likeothers do…Our’s was true love..Infact i am crying while typing all these…everyday i cry and die for him and will be looking for his messages,call sincet from 4 months:-( He left me only because he was scared of future consequences..His sister got registerd marriage with someone which was againt to her parents opinion…His parents were hurt bcoz of this and used to cry infront of him daily which made him to leave me:-( What a play god???:-( He met me one fine day along with my friends and his friend..Told me he was in illusionof loving me for 3 years and he never loved me …he promised on his parents also…Big lier:( I can sense my love in his eyes…on dat worse day i cried like hell askin me not to leave me because he is my life that i can’t live without him…I will die for him..People arround me were seeing me crying like anything but he didn’t even care that day…i even touched his legs and begged for my love but:-( I know he loved me so much that even he can’t live without me but don’t know what happened to him suddenly after so many promise an d all…he left me all alone why?? I seriously can’t live…ther is no one except him for me..i trusted him so much that he will be my partner and shape my life but he broke all my dreams..Even now i don’t lik to live..but seeing my parent’s face and with the hope of getting him back i’am still alive..i know god doesn’t cheat me because mine s true love..i can’t marry somebodyelse..I have accepted me as my husband longback…please god i begged him touching his legs for my love but he didn’t care atleast you understand me i know you are with me please get him back to me..i love him so much…I really can’t survive withou my chethan…please help me friends tHe is my life…..I’am dieng for him each day ..Let him see dis tears of pain for his love….I’am from india friends…Please pray for me…to get my heart back…

76 Lisa { 05.06.13 at }

Dear Cylo,
Lets start with how broken I feel. After 19′years my husband left me for someone he was having an affair with . I was devastated and bent beyond belief. Shortly after I met someone who made me feel alive. We got along great. One night his sister told him I had a disease … Not true . His immediate response was to run straight to the arms of a married woman… We have not spoken , she left her husband and they are niw together . The same person who got me through the darkest times of my life put me right back there. I’m so lost. So broken I want to heal but I don’t know how to begin… I’m a shell over the devastation – he did exactly what my husband did and now I lost my friends over this too … I need prayers and help to heal…. I’m broken, mind body and spirit .

77 anjani rachel { 05.22.13 at }

i would like to share my pain. i am in love with my classmate ..But i cannot express my feelings of love…he will reject me becoz he like my friendship only… so i am very tensed..but i cannot forget him ……..i really love him…what can i do…..

78 teresa { 05.31.13 at }

Dear Jesus, We had a fight and my boyfriend, Lourdu, decided to end this relationship with me. I am now in pain, my heart is now tear to pieces.

Please pray for a reconciliation of my relationship with Lourdu Ask God to touch his mind and heart ..He is (if nothing else) my best friend and I miss him. Lord I pray to you today that my relationship with my boyfriend can be reconciled. I pray that through the power of the Holy Spirit his heart can be softened and he can forgive me for causing him pain. Lord I never meant to be a pain and I am working on myself to change that so I never do that again. I pray that he remembers how much he loves me and how much he wants to still spend the rest of his life with me.

79 Renee { 06.02.13 at }

Wow, I needed to read this so badly! I had a man that loved and afford me and I threw it all away. I let my insecurities and simple minded ways cause me to lose him. It’s been less than a week and he has changed his number. And all that i have been doing is nipping and crying. But this has helped to feel betterme in ways that are nothing short or miraculous.

80 ivy { 07.07.13 at }

Its been 3 years now and am still thinking about my ex. I never tried to be open to a new relationship because of all the negatives thoughts i have in mind.. After my ex stop communicating with me and ignore me and got married i feel like I could never find someone else for I am afraid that i might fall into a wrong person and would only use me.. I aiming for a real relationship, and wishing that i could find a guy who will love me unconditionally and would show me the greatness of life.. Right now , i am currently working and living in a place wherein true relationship is hard to find for so many reasons..Sometimes i am satisified and contented being alone and trying to do some things that will divert my loneliness.. I really wish and still hoping that soon I will meet my soulmate..I know for a fact that enable for me to move on is that i have to find somebody new and I fervently praying that whoever that person is hopefully our love will last forever..

81 Mindy { 07.24.13 at }

I just wanna first by saying I am glad I ran into this site. About a month ago I found out my best friend got a new girlfriend. Now me and my friend actually live in two separate states, he was living with me out in CA for about a year until I decided I needed to fix my finances and decided to come home and live with my family for awhile. He went back home to stay with his mom until I was ready for him to come here or me to go there. He was in love with me and we went out for about a month when he moved to CA. I then broke it off with him for a few reasons. First being I wasn’t true to myself and was still hung up on an ex, not strongly, but I wanted to be fair to him until I was 100% ready. When I was ready, I was noticing how we where running into money troubles. He didn’t have a job and hasn’t had one in quite awhile. He was gonna help me out with rent, but his dad ended up helping us out until he was ready for a job. He never got one and I felt I wasn’t ready to pursue a relationship with someone who I thought laid around the house all the time. He also has a tendency to lie, alot! He was also drinking cough syrup to get high (assuming to take the emotional and physical pain of all the stress we’ve been having). Then of course, there was his ex who was always in the back burner, and because I wasn’t giving him the love he wanted, he kept thinking about going back out with his ex. So you see, there were a few reasons why I felt it wasn’t time for us to be a couple. I had gotten laid off from my job, and decided I needed to move out of CA to get my money on track. Fast forward to recent events. He tells me he has a new girlfriend. Now for some reason, I completely blew up and felt so hurt. I knew I still had feelings for him, but I didn’t believe it was this strong! I can’t stop thinking about it and its killing me on the inside. I told him how much I loved him and the only reason why I told him to move on because I was in denial and felt bad because we were in two separate states. Now all I feel is REGRET for saying all of those things to him and I now lost him as my true love. We use to talk on the phone every night, he would be the last person I would hear from before I laid my head down on my pillow. He doesn’t have his own phone (well he did but it was a trac phone with low minutes) and he would use his moms. When his mom went to MO to visit family for 10 days, I didn’t hear from him and it was sad but I figured it would be ok. I didn’t know he was talking to another woman in that sort of way. He told me at first he didn’t want to be with her. And guess what, now she is pregnant. It happened during the time his mom was away. You know how badly that hurts me? I cry almost everyday thinking why did I not tell him how I felt sooner? All the plans we have made to move in together again, to visit places, do things… We had a blast out in CA despite some of our troubles. He was in love with me, now hes in love with her. I honestly feel kicked to the curb as a friend. He told me how much he’s cared about me and he loves me as a friend, but nothing more now. It breaks my heart so bad because I somewhat planned my ventures around him. I sometimes feel regret that I ever left CA. Not because of him, but because of what I was trying to accomplish out there. I showed him things that no one else ever could at the time. He said that I made him so happy out there, despite the differences. Im so depressed and I pray to God every night for him to somehow find his way back to me, if it was meant to be. I sometime don’t know how to move forward. I know I am the better woman, but I believe the only reason why he won’t her is because of the baby. It might not even be his, and in a said way I hope its not either. I lost my best friend in a matter of weeks, and I can’t comprehend anything! I know reasons why I shouldn’t feel so bad, I had valid reasons why I wasn’t with him. But I am alone now and she has taken my spot. Why can’t I get past this!? Im so in love and it hurts so much… I feel so much regret. I had a dream with him telling me how much sorrow he was in and he doesn’t want me. He is in sorrow, he’s hurt at how badly im hurt. He feels my pain but can’t do to much about it. *Sigh*… I figure one day I can move on, but that one little ounce of me is holding on to hope, and I know I shouldn’t. Hes been my friend for 6 years… its so hard to let him go.

82 Clyo Beck { 08.07.13 at }

Dearest Mindy -

Forgive me if what I write comes across initially as harsh. While my heart goes out to you – and, indeed, I have felt the pain and regret you describe and second-guessed myself as you are – I must tell you the truth that you cannot, at present, see because of your pain.

It’s clear from what you wrote that your former relationship was not supporting who you are. Instead, it was undercutting your efforts to create a happy life. Your lesson here is to get to a point where you see that you have had a close escape, and that you deserve so much better than a partner who creates financial problems and has you spinning in a drama of trying to figure out what is a lie and what isn’t.

Your opinion of yourself and what you deserve has – rightly – been elevated so that, one way or another, you could not remain with your friend. Rightly, you moved away from him because he would have used your love for him to drag you down, likely for the rest of your life.

It is such a blessing that you are not the one pregnant with this man’s child and that you are free to heal and create a life in which those who say they love you actually back it up with loving actions – the very least of which is respecting you enough to tell you the truth.

Make no mistake – you did absolutely the right thing in leaving.

Your job, now, is to do whatever it takes to overcome the fear that you will never love again, and to heal as quickly as possible.

Sometimes we nurse the mistaken idea that if we really loved someone, we’ll “never” get over it.

In fact, it is a mockery of a beloved – and the happiness you had with that person – to overshadow the joy you shared with a lifetime of grief.

The best way you can honor the love you shared with this man is not to regret that it’s over, but to give thanks for the experiences you had and to resolve to learn from them.

Stop asking God to return this unsuitable partner to you. Instead, start thanking God for extricating you from that unsuitable relationship and give thanks that a much better relationship is on its way to you. Then be honest about what you want and need in a relationship – take a personal inventory. Once you have that, begin visualizing yourself with a person who fits the bill; one with whom you feel cherished and loved, and who you cherish and love in return.

Easier said than done, I know, because I’ve been there, in that great and bottomless well of grief after a breakup.

Based upon my own experience with relationships and in overcoming grief, here’s the best course of action:

1) Stop asking God to heal you, but begin thanking God for already having healed you.

2) Learn the EFT tapping points and, when you cry, express your grief while tapping those points.

3) Stop asking God to bring your friend back to you. Instead, give thanks that the breakup was in the highest good of all concerned. Then bless your friend in his new relationship, and pray for his new partner and her baby that they might feel wanted, loved and cared for.

4) Begin affirming every day that a wonderful new partner and friend is coming to you, and that you will recognize each other on sight. Affirm that your love has all the best qualities that you really want. For instance, affirm that he has a great job, that he’s generous, that you communicate with each other on a deep, intimate and satisfying level, that you are best friends, and that you are perfectly and joyfully aligned in every aspect of your relationship.

5) If you don’t have a daily spiritual practice that includes a few minutes of silence (meditation), affirmative prayer, and reading a page or two of inspirational material each day, make it your intention to develop such a practice. It will help you align with your Higher Self so you can tell the difference between following your higher guidance and reacting to emotional stimulus based upon world programming. In other words, it will help you flow in a river of love, not pain or limittation.

To get started with EFT, watch this introductory video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JiD72cZ5mcU and then tap along with the following video for recovering from a breakup: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH37NI3CbTE.

Before you start tapping, write down how bad you feel about the breakup from zero to ten, with ten feeling horrible and zero meaning you feel no charge at all about it. It sounds like you’ve been feeling very bad – at a 9 or a 10 – but that’s up to you to determine. Just write it down so you can see for yourself when there has been a change in your feelings after tapping.

After you tap through these two videos, revisit how you feel. Tap several days in a row until your level of distress is down to a very low number – preferably zero – that you can live with.

Once your pain is eased, you can proceed with imagining your new partner and your wonderful new life.

You’ll get through this, Mindy. One day you’ll look back and realize this breakup was a blessing.

I send you much love,
Clyo

83 Lola { 08.27.13 at }

I haven’t dated in over 10 years. I feel like I am dying. Don’t know what’s wrong with me. Life sucks.

84 Clyo Beck { 08.28.13 at }

Lola, dear, there is nothing wrong with you. Do whatever you can to heal the idea that there is. I strongly recommend using EFT to clear up energy blocks embedded in early life that tell us we are not good enough. Once those are cleared people will begin to see your beauty. There is someone wonderful out there for you – there must be, because God didn’t make you so you would be lonely and miserable. That is never God’s aim. I know we have been taught that we are meant to suffer, but that is a lie; so try to uncover any beliefs you may have about life being one of loneliness and suffering. See, the thing is – it’s not you. You came into this world and absorbed so many beliefs – as we all do – that you are unworthy. Make it your mission to clear those and get to the point where you can sit quietly and start to feel the love within you. That love is more powerful, more beautiful than anything I could ever express. That love is in you. So there can be nothing wrong with you, since that incredible force of beauty is within you. You are beautiful. That doesn’t mean you have to be a in a good mood or be a saint all the time. No one is. But as you feel more gentle and loving and aware of your own value and beauty, you will naturally radiate that out to others and they will be attracted to you because love – true gentleness, kindness, honesty – an original person – an original and unique expression of God – is what you bring to this earth. You are needed and wanted. Please, please, get rid of all that blocks your ability to see your own value, and then your life will change. Ask God and your angels for help. Insist they “knock you on the side of the head” (just kidding – they are never violent) to get your attention and show you how to love and esteem yourself better.

I see your life changing. I see you becoming a force of love in your own life and in the world. You have great power and love. Turn it on yourself and love yourself into wholeness and joy. I see it happening. I hold that vision for you. I believe in you.

<3 I send you much love, Lola.
Clyo

85 Amanda { 09.15.13 at }

I had a year long affair with a married man. His wife kicked him out after finding an email. He rented a property and I lived with him for six wonderful weeks. I came home from work one night to find my belongings packed, he said he didn’t love me and missed his wife. He has no contact with me now. I believe he wants her back because the financial settlement she requested was too high. It’s been 5 weeks. Am I naive in clinging to hope, hoping one day he misses me too. I’m struggling without him

86 Ating { 09.18.13 at }

Hi, Clyo. Please, I want to seek and advice and your help will be greatly appreciated. I have been in an unrequited love for almost 5 years now. I met the “love of my life” 4 years ago through a friend. We were just communicating through cell phones that time because of our busy schedules way back. Until such time we finally had the chance to meet up personally. When we first met, I feel like I didn’t like him immediately because he was not that handsome. So I thought that I just have to continue as we being friends. As time passed us by, he became a routine. I meant, we see each other everyday and then he asked me if I want him to be my boyfriend. Out of my mind, I said yes and then we go on dating. Until such time I found out that he already has a girlfriend (I didn’t know in the first place coz he didn’t told me so.) So, here I am trying to fight our “relationship”.

3 yearsago, he finally decided to broke up with his 1st girlfriend and did chose me. Little did I know he has had another girlfriend (3rd girlfriend), too happens to be his colleague and their manager coz they are working in the same company. He told me that he really love the manager girlfriend but unfortunately, the manager girlfriend is married with 2 kids but she and her husband were not living in the same roof at that time. Again, here I am sitting, waiting and wishing for the right time for him to choose me again. We were in a long distance relationship for 4 years.

Since I really wanted him to be transferred here in my place so we two can be together in one area, I have decided to pray the St. Jude novena for 9 consecutive days asking him to intercede to God my petition that I wanted my boyfriend to be transferred here in my place. I did not expect that God answered my prayers 2 months after my novena. April 2013, my boyfriend called me up telling me that he will be transferred here in my place. I was happy then coz I didn’t really expect that this can happen with the help of prayers. For me, this was such a miracle. So, I ask my boyfriend what happened to him and the manager girlfriend he’s with and that if it was okay with the manager girlfriend for him to be transferred in my area. He then told me that he and the manager girlfriend broke up with each other because the nanager girl finally decided to get back to her husband. I can feel that my boyfriend was so depressed.

The moment came when my boyfriend came to the city where I live because his job was transferred here in the city I lived in. I was happy then thinking and believing that we were the ones who are meant for each other after the longing of being finally together in one city. Unfortunately, as time passes by (until now), I can see it in his way of speaking and his gestures that he has not moved on yet with the manager girl. And he told me that he doesn’t want me being with him (after all these years, just like that?) I feel devastated because I was expecting that the two of us will work out because finally we are in the same city. How can I accept that he doesn’t want me? Now that we are in the same city. Maybe God answered my prayer but he’s showing me that even though we’re in the same city now, it’s just that we are never really meant for each other. And also the manager told me that maybe in the end it will be my me and my boyfriend.

Right now, my boyfriend ia taking up his masters degree and he told me I have to wait until he finishes school and that’s the time he would take me seriously or maybe marry me. I have no assurance if he meant what he said. How can I be so sure about that? Is it worth the wait? Because I want him to be my husband and Godwilling, have children and be a happy family together.

This is really a selfless and unconditional love and in fact, I had his name tattooed under my breast near my heart coz that’s where he will always be. — a way of expressing love in the Philippines.

Hoping for a reply and God bless us always!

87 MR { 10.14.13 at }

Dear Lord,
I need my husband love and affection. I am in need of it, he ignores me sometimes. I feel lonely. Take off any women that he’s thinking about or negative towards me. Let us LOVE one another to the fullest, hold one another everyday. I believe in faith Jesus christ help me and my husband now please. Let us spend quality time together. Instead of him alone and me alone. Amen

88 MR { 10.15.13 at }

Praying for my husband love and attention everyday all day. Bring him all to me and to be faithful.

89 Karen { 10.23.13 at }

Hi Clyo,

For about a year I have been dating a wonderful man. My cousin introduced us because he thought we would be perfect together. Until about four weeks ago, it was amazing. We would either spend the weekends at his place or mine, but during the week we would speak in the morning before work and then after work at least once, but normally a couple of times – especially right before bed. Then four weeks ago out of the blue, he asked me not to come to his home and said that he was having some issues with depression and needed some time alone.

He has been responsible for introducing me to God – as I never had Him in my life before. It has been a blessing to have God in my life, but in the past month my life has been turned upside down. Three weeks ago I lost my job. I have a little bit of money saved up, but need a job quickly or I will lose my apartment. That same weekend was when my boyfriend asked me not to come visit. I am fine with giving him his space and allowing him the time to get his self together and out of his depression. However, I am hurting and miss him so much. His female friend at work – that I am also friends with – said that he cares about me, but that he is suffering with this depression thing and needs to sort it out on his own. She suggested that I be patient and let him deal with his issues.

My question is how do I do that without hurting so much? I miss him and I’ve gone from seeing him every weekend and speaking with him at least twice a day to speaking for a few seconds every few days and never seeing him. How do I get through this? It is breaking my heart. He has never done anything to hurt me before and I believe that he cares about me, but I need to hear that from someone that appears to not be capable of saying that right now.

Can you give me some words of wisdom? You sound like a very smart person and have helped myriads of people on this site. Please help me take the pain away. I would be forever grateful. I had two interviews today for the same company and they both went amazingly well. The first thing I wanted to do is to speak with my guy and after sending a text I got a text back that just said, “Very cool.”

HELP!
Karen

90 Thea { 11.14.13 at }

Hi Clyo, been reading your posts and it helped me a lot.
I’m facing a dilemma right now. My story is just like Rhia, we went on couple of dates and he just disappeared. He wasn’t rude but he sent me an email telling me that He isn’t ready for a relationship. I was hurt and decided to move on, I didn’t try to contact him after he sent me that message. I prayed to God to help me Let go and prepare me for the right person He created for me, however, there’s always this whisper telling me “He is the one, be patient, He’s not ready yet.” I don’t know if it is God sayin it or it is just my spirit convincing myself to hold on? Thank you so much!

91 Thea { 11.15.13 at }

Hi Clyo, sent you a message here but it was gone :(

92 Clyo Beck { 11.17.13 at }

So sorry, Thea, I have to go in an approve all comments before they appear permanently. Yours will show up now.

93 Clyo Beck { 11.17.13 at }

Dearest Thea,

We have many aspects to our subconscious; many thoughts and voices – often voices that give the opinions of our parents or other people who taught us, and they tend to replay in our minds, for the subconscious is an impeccable recording instrument.

Where this thought that he is “the one” is coming from, I cannot say. It’s possible you may have heard those specific words at some time – even in a movie – and, since they mirror what you would like to hear, they have surfaced.

My point is that not all thoughts you hear in your head are coming from just one or two sources. That having been said, you can be sure that this voice is an aspect of you speaking to you – whether it’s the aspect known as your inner child or the greater part of who you are, your eternal soul.

This explains – and forgive me if I seem to be getting off track here – when we read about someone who kills someone else because “God told me to do it.” The fact is, the totality that is God did not tell that person to do any such thing. A sacred encounter with the Holy Spirit knocks your socks off. There’s no mistaking where the information is coming from, not the least of which is that all guidance that originates from the Divine gives you a message of love and forgiveness; that’s how you can tell whether it’s the real deal or not.

What we call “the still, small voice of God” is the voice of our own individual strand of Higher Consciousness – our Higher Self that is pure joy and love and that is trying to express that joy and love fully while in a physical body through your human personality.

So the whisper you hear is from that part of you we call your Higher Self – or as you say, your spirit – which, from that elevated perspective, knows that remaining fixated on what we think we cannot have blocks us from receiving what – and who – will truly make us happy.

You cannot receive what you want from a position of feeling the lack of what you want. You must raise your vibration so you vibrate at the level of the thing, situation – or person – you want in your life.

Your High Self may well be able to see that you and the man in whom you are interested would be a good match. So this may be real guidance.

The litmus test is: How does it feel? Does it feel totally joyful and absolutely a given? If so, it’s probably a message from your High Self. If, however, the thought feels bitter sweet or just hopeful, or you feel doubts or sadness accompanying the thought, then it’s probably just wishful thinking and nothing that is going to help you if you base your actions on it.

It’s also possible that your High Self has offered you a thought that will help you feel better and put thoughts of this man away (with confidence that eventually he will want to be with you) until you forget about him and remembering him no longer makes you feel sad.

I know this sounds cold and, on one hand ridiculous – maybe even insulting to your feelings and sense of attachment – but all your High Self wants is to get you out of pain and into possibility. That wise and eternal part of you has little investment in who you are with, so long as you are happy. (You can’t be happy with someone and have that person be “wrong” for you.)

Among many possibilities there is, likely, one very best choice for a partner for you. Typically, when we meet that other “ideal” person, he or she doesn’t rebuff us and “need time” to realize how great life would be with us.

So, based just upon my intuition and experience, I would say that this man for whom you are ready to pin all your hopes for happiness and wait is not your ideal match.

And I truly think that the voice you hear in your head is the wishful thinker in you.

But time will tell. The point is, what are you going to do during the time in which you are waiting?

It’s okay to be a wishful thinker for a while. That’s all right. If you need to go through a phase in which you comfort yourself with assurances that, eventually, he’ll come back when he’s ready, that’s perfectly okay. Nothing wrong with that. Maybe he will come back. Yet, if he left once, he may leave again even if he came back.

So, instead of focusing your attention on whether to wish for him to return or forget him, consider exploring how to heal the energy inside you that attracted someone who would abandon you after you became emotionally attached, because you can be certain it’s there.

In my own case, because I felt abandoned by my father and unloved by a cruel uncle (and my father didn’t leave – my mother took me and left him) I spent much of my adult life – without knowing what I was doing – trying to get love from both these people through the men I dated and married.

Long story short, it never works. You have to clear the energy created by past betrayals that you carry around; you have to cleanse your vibration so you do not attract people to you who replay, to some degree and often unrecognized, the dynamics of those painful childhood relationships.

Now, you may not remember any relationships that seem to be related. That’s okay. Few people do make the connections until the moment the energy is healed. We tend to be blind to our own patterns. Also, because kids take in everything without context, even one little incident of a father or uncle or brother or grandparent seeming to abandon you can create an energy pattern that plays out forever more in adult relationships until it is cleared. We are, after all, incredibly complex energy beings.

Also – and this will, doubtless, sound like heresy to some – but it appears past life experiences can also carry through for some people and leave an energy imprint that needs to be cleared. The truth is, we are eternal beings who incarnate over and over again to expand and grow in wisdom and love so that we might, eventually, be able to truly radiate God’s love here on earth while in physical form.

It seems fairly obvious that Biblical references to Jesus referring to reincarnation were purged from the Bible. Around 250 AD, the prominent theologian, Origen, was writing about the pre-existence of the soul, teaching that the soul incarnated then traveled back to oneness with God after multiple physical lives.

The mainstream view of Christianity, Emperor Constantine made belief in reincarnation illegal, believing it was a threat to the Roman Empire since threat of deaths and hell against people (who realized they were eternal beings and hell did not exist as a place) would no longer be very effective in maintaining fear and order.

Then, in 543 AD the Emperor Justinian insisted that Pope Viligius sign a papal decree condemning Origen’s writings on reincarnation. The pope refused, was arrested, and Justinian called together the Fifth General Council of the Church. The council, as instructed by the Emperor, produced fourteen new anathemas and the very first one condemned reincarnation and the concept that souls pre-existed with God. To quote Justinian:

“If anyone asserts the fabulous preexistence of souls, and shall assert the monstrous restoration which follows from it: let him be anathema.”

As I have researched how the Bible was edited and changed by committees of men for political reasons, I have come to believe reincarnation is fact. Regardless of who believes what, banning the truth does not make it untrue.

Jesus did tell us: You are an eternal being. Likewise, your true and divine nature is full of love and light and undisturbed by those who, for whatever reason, feel they do not want to be in relationship with you. Your soul, therefore, wants you to raise yourself up so you can radiate the love and radiance that is the true you, the Divine you.

Do that and you will not be short on company. You will be a magnet to people who adore you.

How to do it? I recommend a three-fold combination for lifting your vibration of 1) EFT energy work for clearing the energy patterns we have inherited from our pasts, 2) meditation to quiet the old thoughts and so allow your Higher Self to inject higher energy into your body and mind, and 3) affirmative prayer for lifting your emotions and vibration.

There are people who say you can’t avoid being hurt in life. That’s true. But you can continually work on lifting your vibration so you attract less hurt, and you can heal the part of you that would go back to the same person for seconds and even thirds of hurt.

What you are going through has nothing to do with this gentleman and everything to do with realizing that you are being called to raise our vibration. You are a child of God, adored by All-That-Is. You are not meant to be standing in the wings waiting for someone to favor you with his attention. You are meant to enjoy your life fully and attract people who fully embrace who you are, in your uniqueness.

Another point – getting rid of our sadness and pain does not make us any less “us” but, in fact, allows who we really are to come out and play – and shine. So anyone who wants to hold onto being sad “because it’s just who I am” is doing him or herself a great disservice and, really, is being controlled by lower energies.

So – forget this man. Find something compelling into which to funnel your energies. Find something you love to do and do more of it. Follow what feels good, what feels uplifting, what feels joyful, what feels expansive, what feels life-affirming, what feels totally you.

Clear everything that blocks the real you, the confident you, the independent you.

That is your work. Your work is to be the most joyful, loving, feeling-good person you can; to clear your vibration so you see the reality around you not just from the perspective of your human personality, but through a perspective infused with the love, joy and wisdom of your Higher Self.

So, in summary, this reassuring whisper you heard may well be your Higher Self’s attempt to make you feel better and lift your vibration because it knows that when you are lifted out of pain and grief and feeling rejected – when you feel better about everything – then you will be open to attracting better and better thoughts, you will feel better and better, and you will be bound to attract someone wonderful who really wants to be with you.

The very worst thing you can do for yourself is stay in that horrible-feeling place of questioning what’s wrong with you, asking why isn’t he ready, whether you should wait for him or visualize being with him, etc.

Clear and raise your vibration and go on.

I send you much love,
Clyo

94 Clyo Beck { 11.17.13 at }

Sorry for the delay, Karen -

Start exploring and using EFT. Tap out your pain. It will give you the emotional relief you seek.

Here are a couple of videos that will help you get started right away:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVIitKCBnfo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH37NI3CbTE

I send you much love,
Clyo

95 Thea { 11.18.13 at }

Clyo,
Thanks for the fast response. You are right. I am having a very difficult time for the last couple of weeks, missing and wishing i could make things right. I’m praying, but sometimes i don’t know who to listen to. There’s a part of me still hoping, but i know i should just move on.

96 MR { 11.19.13 at }

God, Send me my LOVE of my life. I am ready and fully bless when you send me my soul mate. I want to be married with this special someone. I can not wait. I am hoping for this to happen now God. I am a faithful person all the way. God bless me in the relationship and him too whom ever he is. I’m praying for the Lord to bring him to me now.

97 Monica { 11.21.13 at }

I have been dating this guy for about 4 months now. Everything was going great. We would do a lot of fun activities together. We even had two other couples that we would have “couples dates” with. It seemed like I finally found the guy that I was supposed to end up with. I even began to think about the future with this guy and how happy I would be to eventually marry him and start a family, although I know that this type of commitment wouldn’t come for a while. Within the 4th month of dating, his father passed away from cancer. I was there for him, visiting him when he wanted me to while his father was in the hospital and hospice. I was there for him for anything he needed or wanted.

About a week after his father’s passing, he had somewhat of a breakdown. Telling me to just leave him alone and that he didn’t need anyone to be there for him. That I had no idea what he was going through because I still have my father. Basically the night ended with him dropping me off at my house and leaving angry. I felt so bad and just downright sad because I wanted to take the pain away that he was feeling. I know everyone handles the grieving process differently, so I tried not to take this episode to heart. He didn’t contact me for a whole day, so the following day I contacted him telling him that I was sorry if I angered him in anyway and that I hoped he was doing ok. He responded back to me that saying that the passing of his father was much harder than he ever imagined, and that he was just in a really bad place right now and he likes to deal with tough situations by himself. I told him I’d give him space to deal with things.

About 3 days later he messages me saying that he spent some time with his mother and family and started to feel better. We agreed to see each other that night. We met each other at a concert that night, I was with friends and he was with friends. We hung out for maybe 10 minutes at the most and he was off with other friends of his. He did not introduce me to anyone and I ended up having to locate him. When I finally went up to him to ask him what was going on, he just gave me a kiss and said he was hanging out with a his future boss (for a new job). I couldn’t help but notice that that his new boss and my boyfriend were hanging out with what seemed to be four single women. I bit my tongue and didn’t want to jump to conclusions about it. I went about my night with my friends as if it didn’t bother me that one, he was hanging out with all these girls and leaving me out of the loop, and two, that he didn’t even introduce me to these girls or future boss. It didn’t help that I also had my friends pointing out that he was talking to one particular girl for the majority of the night. I felt so abandoned and hurt. I thought he would’ve wanted to spend more time with me given the fact that I hadn’t seen him in a week. I finally couldn’t take it anymore and had to approach him about it. I questioned whether he took me seriously or if he just wanted to see other girls aside from me. He was taken aback by all the things I was asking him. He just said “no” looking shocked as ever and walked away from me. I tried to approach him one last time towards the end of the night to ask if he had anything to say to me. He just once again said “no” and walked away from me.

It wasn’t until the next day that I received a message from my boyfriend’s roommate’s girlfriend asking me what happened because my boyfriend seemed down. I told her the whole story and that’s where she hit me with it. The girl my boyfriend was talking to the majority of the night is actually married to a friend of his (who I didn’t see around that night). Had he introduced me to them, I would’ve known it was nothing and I would not have questioned him. At this point, I’m feeling so stupid about the situation. I start to replay the events of what occurred the night before and start regretting getting upset with him in the first place. I decided it would be best to give it a couple of days before I attempted to reach out to him so I just give him space and time.

I wrote up a long message explaining why I did what I did. I explained the purpose of my message was not regarding apologies or who was right or wrong, but that I just wanted to explain myself on why I approached him the way I did. I went on to explain that this is a classic example of miscommunication and misunderstanding. If I had known who any of those people were, I would by no means become jealous and attention absorbing. That is not the type of person I am. I told him how much I like spending time with him and how much I like him. That this situation is silly and that we should just put it behind us and move forward. We have too much to look forward to, to let something like this cause us to stop speaking to each other.

It’s been four days and I still haven’t received a response from him. His roommate’s girlfriend keeps telling me to hang in there and to give him a little more time. He’s going through more tough things in his life with his family aside from the passing of his father. I’m really trying to hang in there and give him his space, but when will I know to move on if he doesn’t respond? I have absolutely no desire to move on and meet anyone else. I like him so much and would do anything for him to forget and forgive and us to move on with our lives together. I just can’t imagine how a person can shut another person out so suddenly. Especially since things were going so great before. Is he acting like this because he’s still mourning? What can I do to get him to respond back to me and let me know if he’s still interested? I feel like I am just a sitting duck. Is it possible that he’s just not into me anymore?

98 Kris { 12.07.13 at }

Hi,

It’s been a month since my ex bf left me, we had fight small fights that result for our break up, it’s a long distance relationship, and we just been together for 2 months, I never loved this way before because I give up everything just to earn his trust, I just can’t imagine despite of accepting him for what he is, for doing the thing he wants me to do, he still chose to leave me and after a month I found out that he has a new girlfriend already, he’s been chatting with her even before were still together.

On our first few months of our relationship his so afraid that I might leave him, that I won’t stand by on his side and it didn’t even cross my mind that he will be the one to call it off.. It’s just so fast, he already have a girlfriend but the last time we talked he just said his afraid to fall in love with me again, and if our setup of being in a long distance is the problem his new girlfriend is not that near to him also. I’m so confused… Is there any chance that we might be together again? He said to his new gf that he wants a new life but not with me, I give him my all, i chose him over my career, and everything else.. What might went wrong.. Thanks

99 Anjali { 01.17.14 at }

Dear Lord,
Me and my love Saravanan broke up recently. the feeling is terrible.

I love him a lot and I know so does he… request you to pray so that he is back and we get married with both the family wishes. Need your blessing lord. My health isn’t supporting me I need him.

100 latha { 01.23.14 at }

I have many students whom i teach wholeheartedly and make them score. Some two children who failed successively because of their lack of interest and irregularity to class failed and their parents took them away and changed their tuition. I have never experienced this. I always take lot of efforts for every child. I did not even take money from these parents for teaching them. All that they should have done is to tell the child to come to class regularly, instead they stopped from me. It hurts me sooooo badly…. God, they are in the end of 11th grade I want them to learn 12th from me. If they put in efforts it is easy to pass! plz send them back to me. I love these kids so much and cant seem to digest that they stopped from me so abruptly. I feel deeply hurt! God please make the parents realise my worth and send them back, i want people to leave me with good feeling! :(

101 frank { 01.30.14 at }

i love renee so much and i miss her i just hope if i can’t have her back i hope she happy but do beleve that the deoms she with right now will hurt her please pray for us

102 frank { 01.30.14 at }

thank you

103 Clyo Beck { 02.21.14 at }

Dearest Monica,

From all you have written, it appears that your boyfriend’s feelings were, perhaps, not as strong for you as yours were for him.

This would make sense as the more we do for a person, the more attached we become to that person. (It’s a matter not just of emotional investment, but of actual time investment.) It sounds like you did a lot for him and he did relatively nothing for you; so it would be natural for you to feel far more attached to him than he does to you.

Now that his father has died, whatever feelings he had for you – rooted in having fun – seem to have been drowned by his sense of loss.

If he loved you, he would seek you out for comfort, but he isn’t doing that. He isn’t even giving you the courtesy of introductions.

It sounds like you are a giver who has a need to be understood, and to understand other people’s motivations.

There’s nothing wrong with being an empathetic, detailed communicator, but when you are and your boyfriend suddenly clams up and ditches you with no explanation, it’s crazy-making.

There is nothing more infuriating and hurtful than to be abandoned without a word of explanation. You long for closure. It’s only natural. But it sounds like this guy isn’t mature enough – or doesn’t care enough about you – to give it to you. Through the death of his father he’s discovered he has emotions and he is blindsided. Now he doesn’t want to deal with even a hint of yours – and with none of your needs – so he’s bailed.

First thing: there is nothing wrong with you.

Second: Let him go. You will never be happy with someone who forces you to play guessing games with him as to whether your relationship is off or on.

Third: Realize that you deserve much better.

Fourth: Make a list of all the qualities you want in your next boyfriend – including traits such as thoughtfulness, openness, empathy, good communication skills, etc. – and resolve that your next boyfriend will have them all so that you feel cherished and appreciated by him. (Hint: do not feel you are being too demanding. Ask for what you want – and all you want.)

Fifth: Try not to let your heart close down just because this person stomped on it and made you feel worthless.

Sixth: Whether you use EFT, Ask and Receive, hypnosis, affirmations, NLP – or whatever methods call to you – do something to increase your feelings of self-worth. When you truly know inside that you deserve to be adored and cherished, you will be.

104 Clyo Beck { 02.22.14 at }

Dearest Ating,

I find I am shaking my head, wondering how you are willing to pledge your heart to a man who has made it so plain to you that you are not his first choice, but – perhaps – someone he might make do with if no one else is available.

Do you not deserve better? Do you not deserve to be adored by a man who would be devastated if you left him?

Your story demonstrates the folly of praying to be reunited with a person who is in love with someone else.

My dear, you do not have this man’s heart and, from the sound of it, you never will.

You are exerting your will over him through prayer and intercession, but you will never be happy with the results.

Have you read the scriptural passage warning us not to throw pearls before swine?

Well, that means do not lay your heart and body before someone who doesn’t value you.

Give this man up. He doesn’t love you or value you. Should he marry you, he will never be faithful and it will bring you nothing but heartache.

Do whatever it takes to get over him. Then make a list of the qualities that you want in a husband, turn it over to God, and begin praying for the one who loves you truest and best to come to you, one whom you will love with equal ardor so your relationship is beautiful and mutual.

When you compose your list, be sure to put every quality you want in your husband on it. If you want him to be kind and considerate and bring you flowers on your birthday, then list all that. If you want him to be generous, list that. If you want him to be faithful, list that. If you want him to want children and have a good job so he is able to support them and give them a beautiful home, then list that. Also be sure to include how you want him to touch you, and how you want to feel when he makes love to you. (Do not neglect to list factors which affect sexual compatibility, or you may regret it.)

When you have defined all you want in a husband and how you want to feel in your relationship, sit for 20 minutes every day and imagine this new man in your life. Imagine him treating you the way you would love to be treated. Imagine yourself together. Imagine him cherishing and adoring you.

Do this every day, and have fun with it. You will know you are doing it right if you enjoy doing the exercise.

Whether it takes six weeks, six months or six years for the right man to come to you, I cannot say. I assure you, however, that if you are faithful in this exercise and make it fun, you will attract a man to you who has all the qualities you want.

To do anything else is to waste your time and assure you will never be happily married.

I pray you have ears to hear this truth without being hurt, and you will allow God to bring you together with the man who is right for you, instead of pursuing a lost cause and winding up with a broken heart.

I send you much love,
Clyo

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